Valentine's Dinner for 2

   I've always wanted to cook, like really cook.  I want my husband and kids to speak of the amazing, home cooked meals they were fed around our kitchen table.  Unfortunately for the past several years I have hardly cooked.  I don't count microwave and freezer meals as "home cooked" deliciousness.  I'm talking about meals that bring comfort and memories to mind.  I can still smell my grandmothers beef tips and I regularly reminisce of Sunday dinners at her home.  Our entire family crowded around two small tables filled with food.  All the fixin's and I remember laughter and warmth.  I remember us all waddling to the couches with our bellies full.  

   I want my family to remember days like that once we're old and gray. So this year one of my "resolutions" is to compile a short list of meals that make my husband proud.  There have been plenty of misses but recently I completed a pasta dish that I am quite proud of.  It's not a dish for your waist line but when you're craving warm, garlic(y) carbs this one hits the spot and it's a perfect dish for Valentine's day at home! 

Quick & Simple Spaghetti Carbonara   

Ingredients 

8 oz spaghetti

2 large eggs

1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan

4 slices bacon, diced 

4 cloves garlic, minced

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons chopped fresh Parsley leaves

Directions

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta according to package instructions; reserve 1/2 cup of pasta water and drain well. 

2. In a small bowl, whisk together eggs and Parmesan; set aside. 

3. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat.  Add bacon and cook until brown and crispy (be careful not to burn); reserve some excess fat.

4. Stir in garlic until fragrant, about 1 minute.  Reduce heat to low.

5. Working quickly, stir in pasta and egg mixture, and gently toss to combine; season with salt and pepper, to taste.  Add reserved pasta water, one tablespoon at a time, until desired consistency is reached.

6.  Serve immediately, garnished with parsley and extra Parmesan if desired. 

Favorite Hideaway

   One of my favorite spots in our house is at this tiny desk by a window in our bedroom.  It's actually not a desk at all but an old sewing machine we moved in our bedroom after our home office became our nursery.  This small space has recently become where I escape and sit to read my bible every day.  Up until this past November I always struggled to read past Genesis once starting my yearly Bible reading plan.  Reading my bible has always been hard for me and it's my biggest goal in the new year.  

   Having this tiny spot to sit during the quiet of nap time and focus without distraction has helped my consistency.  It's nothing fancy or Pinterest(y) but it is a quiet space with a swivel chair and window with a view.  Theres not much room for more than a bible, a journal and pen and a drink but it's a perfect spot for me to enjoy our backyard view while reading the scriptures and my bible study.  

   I consider this spot where I put on my armor each day.  It's where I sit and read, pray and sometimes cry.  It's where I listen for quiet whispers from God and where I praise Him in the storms and the triumphs.  I can tell such a difference when I sit for even 5 minutes and get in the scriptures before starting my day.  I feel better equipped to handle the stresses and pressures of the world around me once I have first paused to listen.  

   Do you have place that you put on your armor?  Maybe it's while you stand at the bathroom mirror getting ready for the work day.  Maybe you listen to sermons in your car.  Maybe you rise while it's still dark and read scriptures while pouring your cup of coffee.  Wherever and however you prepare for your day I encourage you to find your spot, your tiny place, whether you sit or stand, listen or read.  I pray you have a small space where you can exchange whispers with God before your day lets the world in. 

You won't always be little ...

   One of my biggest battles since becoming a mom has been fighting the urge to wish days away.  When it's been a long night with little sleep... when Crew wakes fussy and throws a tantrum... when I am worn down and burnt out I catch myself wishing for bedtime and for days when he's just a bit older.  
   It's ok for me to have those thoughts but it's not ok for me to let those wishes steer my day.  One of my biggest fears with motherhood is that I wish away these moments and wake up in the future too quickly.  I can't keep him little any more than I can control his attitude on some days but I can control my perspective and my fight for one more story and five more minutes of play.  There's a saying "Little boys should never be sent to bed they always wake up a day older" and recently I have felt this with Crew.  I feel like every morning he has a new tooth or he's that much closer to walking or he's less interested in cuddles and more interested in playing without his momma.  
   Some days I lose this battle but other days I put the phone down, turn the television off, put makeup aside and we enjoy our day in pajamas surrounded by tractors, trucks and blocks.  I don't usually feel productive on these days but I know my son feels loved and I feel the love between us.  Some days are filled with errands and to dos and laundry but on days like today I get it right more than wrong and I rest in knowing that these moments are fading away faster and faster everyday. 
   So today I didn't do dishes, I didn't get laundry folded and I lived in sweats, hair in a bun and no makeup.  The house isn't clean and dinner was leftover Chinese food.  Today Crew and I enjoyed play time, story time and this North Carolina weather.  We rode the four wheeler and went fishing.  We watched the sunset and rode through the fields.  
   I remember how I used to dream of days like today and I don't want to wish them away now that they're here.  

To My Son.. You're First Year

   As I sit here watching you sleep it's hard to grasp that you've been with us for a whole year now.  Those first few months were so long but the ones following went by all too quickly.  I remember the days that your dad and I used to speak of our family and when we would have children.  I remember the planning and preparing that took place before those two lines appeared.  I remember the excitement, the fear and the hope.  Prayers that were spoken late in the night when I couldn't sleep.  Before you were even born I knew I would have to lean on the Lord more than I ever had when I became your mom. 

   Your birth was a miracle and I felt God in that room with your dad and I.  We would listen to your heart beat slow and even stop between contractions and everything I had done prior to your birth meant nothing to me at that time.  I needed you in my arms and I knew I wasn't in control of anything in that moment.  The awe and overwhelming amazement that I felt when you looked up at me I pray that I never forget.  Those first nights were terrifying but again showed me that I could only do what I could do and that meant loving you with everything I had and leaving the rest to Him.   

   Your dad and I were not prepared for the restless nights and stress that you put on our marriage.  We argued and fought, we were tired and I was lonely.  As the rest of the world went back to normal, you and I were home together to figure this thing out.  I found a new level of grace and mercy and as I realized my weaknesses I also found a new strength.  It was the most selfless I have ever been and I gave my body, physically and mentally to you and your care.  

   After a few months we found our rhythm and your dad and I discovered our new home life.  I found my niche as a stay at home mom and we fell in love with our tiny family.  We took you on trips that you won't remember but we sure did love showing you off.  We laughed and cried through all your first holidays and loved watching you discover the world around you.  You pushed us to be better people; to wake up every morning wanting to be the best because we wanted to give you everything.  

   You are everything I prayed for and you have shown me a new meaning to life.  You've shown me areas of myself that I am so proud of and at the same time, you've shown me where I have to let God in.  As I look back on your first year I rejoice in all that you have been and have yet to become.  I want to teach you, guide you, push you and prepare you.  I want to be your protector and provider.  I want to love you better than anyone ever can but I know that my limits are laid out ahead of me.  I can't be everything for you.  I promise to love you with every part of myself but as I promise that to you I also owe you an apology.  I will fail you and I will make mistakes.  I am your mother and although I want the best for you I cannot give you that.  I will do my best but part of my best is pointing you to Christ.  

   So as I rejoice in your first year and prepare for your second I am already learning that part of this parenting gig is letting go.  I will fight hard for you and I will always be in your corner but you are coming up in a broken world and you will see more sadness and hatred than ever before.  We are a broken people and we are falling short daily.  So the best thing that I can do for you is show you Christ and His love for you.  He is your everything and He loves you more than I could ever dream.  

   This is my prayer for you my son.  I pray that your dad and I always point you to Jesus.  I pray that you learn of His love early in your days and that you have a steady, certain faith.  I pray that God surrounds you with people and resources to bring you up in your beliefs.  I pray that at an appointed time you will accept Him into your heart and live your life for Him for your own reasons and not for mine.  I pray that you chase after Him with your entire being and that you have a fire lit in your soul.  I pray that you love Him, serve Him and know Him.  

Amen.

Just Being Me

   I'm a lover of new beginnings. When I was younger I always loved the first day of school and especially getting a new agenda.  I'd grab my colored pens and stickers and go to town planning out my new year.  I still love doing this.  I love highlighting birthdays and holidays throughout the year, planning vacations and date nights.  I love making lists, especially resolutions, setting goals for the new month.  I struggle, though in the follow through.  I spend all this time planning and prepping for what's to come but then when it gets here I usually haven't followed through on my plans.   So this year I decided to do something a little different.  I still wanted to make my list of goals and plans but I wanted to focus more on what was in my heart not on what I thought should be on my list according to society.  I didn't want to list "lose 5 pounds" or "make Crew's baby book" because those will always be there and there will always be a short list of to dos.  

   This year I want to focus on what I really want.  What do I want in the new year?  What do I want to do with this year and how do I want to grow myself?  More than anything, I just want to be me.  When was the last time I truly focused on me and who God is calling me to be not what the world says I should be.  I want to spend time discovering who I am and who I am becoming.  I don't want to waste anymore time listening to who people tell me I am or focusing on my shortcomings.  I can listen to five minutes of the morning news and get an update of what a woman in today's society should be doing, what she should look like and how she should be spending her time and money.  

   I want 2017 to be the year that I stop looking at everyone else and striving for what they have and what they are doing with their time.  I don't want to measure my happiness and success based on those around me.  This isn't going to be an easy task though.  It's going to take time, quiet moments spent in reflection.  It's going to take prayer.  

   Last year when I came home from work after having our son, I had to find myself.  I had to deal with the loss of who I had been and figure out who I was now.  A mom, a home maker, unemployed.  According to today's standards, some would have said I was doing too little, I wasn't successful because I wasn't making big gestures or bringing in a big pay check.  I wasn't changing the world with my every day life and I had to realize that was ok.

   When I sit and really think about what makes me happy, what makes me feel accomplished when I lay my head down at night, what makes me feel whole, my list looks a bit different than what I have been listing the past few years.  I've been striving for the wrong things, looking for happiness in areas that aren't going to make me happy at all.  

   Studying the Bible, leading women's bible studies, leading in our church, learning to cook, writing children's books, taking pictures, painting furniture, running a marathon, making memories with our family, mentoring a younger generation, growing a garden, spending time on the water, having deep conversations sharing scriptures... these are things that truly make me happy.  The thought of spending this next year doing more of these things fills my soul.  By tuning out the world and listening to God's calling on my life right now in this season I can find greater joy than I have experienced in a long time.  

   Were not called to fit a mold or be the best at what the world says we should be.  I don't want to turn around at the end of life and be able to say "I was so good at being what everyone told me to be."  I want to be a "good and faithful servant" and be the woman, wife, husband and daughter that He says I am.  I can't achieve this by paying attention to the world's view of life so this year I am taking my eyes off of everyone else's paper and I am getting in my lane and running my race.

Creating New Habits

   Last month I made a commitment to myself that I would get into my bible every day and practice being in the scriptures in a variety of ways.  I began reading my bible from Genesis with hopes to read my bible through the next year.  I also kept seeing "scripture writing plans" on Pinterest and decided to try out a plan for December.  Every day during one of Crew's naps I would go into our room and sit at a small desk, read a few chapters in my reading plan, write a cluster of scriptures from my writing plan and then I would take a small journal and write out prayers.  In the beginning I had to force myself to make time for my study but now I crave that time in the Word.  I have also noticed that where as in the beginning I would spend 20-30 minutes in study, now I push 45-60 minutes.  I realize that this is not possible for everyone and I realize that this may not always be the best situation for myself but in this season I am blessed with a period of time when Crew is sleeping and I have a quiet house.  

   Shortly after the election I realized how foul and negative the media and social sites had become.  I dreaded Facebook and news articles.  My morning talk shows were more depressing than encouraging so I decided to make another change.  Recently I had found the TBN app on our television and reviewed the schedule.  There were amazing pastors, several that Casey and I enjoy listening to and they were teaching all day long.  I could listen to Walk in the Word with James Macdonald in the morning, listen to Joyce Meyer in the afternoon and watch a marriage sermon in the evening.  I had all these uplifting resources at my fingertips.  So I began turning on TBN in the mornings instead of Good Morning America.  Even if I didn't have time to sit and listen to a full sermon, I could have it playing in the background while Crew and I ate breakfast.  

   Another neat resource that Casey found this year is the NIV LIVE bible app.  You can download this app to your smart phone and listen to the bible as it is read to you.  Each character has a different voice and it is read more like a story than a textbook.  I have really enjoyed listening to this app on walks with Crew down our driveway.  

   It's only been a month but I am already noticing amazing changes in my mood and my self talk.  I can tell a difference when I have filled my mind with scripture, covered our family and friends in prayer and have surrounded our day with God's Word, not the word of the world.  I feel more encouraged and uplifted and energized and I have more patience for those hard momma moments.  In the beginning I thought I was sacrificing "me time" when I would skip a bubble bath or a nap for myself or a favorite television show and instead sit and read my bible and listen to worship music but in retrospect I have been spending time in the best way when I have been in my study.  

   Life is a rollercoaster and there are seasons when it is easy to study God's Word and times when it takes everything you have to rise early to get in one quick minute of prayer.  It's so important though for us to cover ourselves and our loved ones in prayer and to fill our minds and spirits with His Word.  

   What changes do you need to make in the new year?  What small habit can you begin forming today that will help you put on the armor of God?  

Encouragement from Ephesians

I was standing in my kitchen, dazed, looking out the window overwhelmed at all the life going on around me.  I had just gotten off the phone with a friend dealing with a health scare.  I had just read an update from a mother who just lost her baby to cancer.  I myself was dealing with a variety of insecurities and emotions that I wasn’t sure how to decipher.  

I needed some encouragement.  Especially since becoming a mom, I have realized the affirmation and encouragement that I crave.  Life is tough; even with the news turned down and social media turned off, the world we live in is broken and depressing at times.  It can be hard to see beauty in the pain, to see purpose in the waiting, to feel grateful when you’re hurting.  Our Pastor has spoken before about how he doesn’t need another critic, that he is his own worst critic.  I think that reigns true in a lot of us.  We beat ourselves up without even knowing it in the moment.  “I should lose some weight”, “I should do better as a wife”, “I should play more with my kids.”  For me, that type of self talk can go on constantly if I don’t keep my mind focused on the right things.  It’s hard enough finding the good in the bad things that we can’t control, to then have to control the bad that we can create even when we don’t mean to. 

I sat down and opened my bible to Ephesians and started to read, hoping something would jump off the page and into my heart, offering a small moment of peace and encouragement.  

Ephesians 2:8-10 “For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” 

Ephesians 1:7-10 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.” 

Talk about encouragement.  I know these scriptures but in that moment they found me exactly when I needed them.  I was reminded that I am forgiven, free and I have a heavenly inheritance waiting.  This isn’t because I earned it or because I live life perfect in every moment.  This is because my heavenly Father loves me and sent his own son who paid for my sins so that I could have eternal life with Him.  Life outside of this world.  Life without pain and suffering.  

There are always going to be hard times and days that are just a bit tougher than others but reminding myself of the brevity of this world and the eternity with my Father offers the best encouragement.  Keeping my focus on why I am here and what I am here to do helps me see past pain, insecurities, sadness and illness.  Remembering that I am a child of God helps me to see beauty, purpose, meaning and the light in the darkness.  

My job is to take this same encouragement that I needed for myself out into the world.  Our neighbors, our communities, our nation needs this encouragement more now than ever and we have to be the ones to share it.  

This Seat Is Taken

   It's 3:30 on Tuesday, the baby hasn't been sleeping well, not overnight nor for naps.  He's teething for what feels like the fifth week in a row and I am tired... like exhausted.  There's a pile of dirty laundry on my bedroom floor, a sink full of dishes in my kitchen and I promised myself I would vacuum today, after I workout, after I finish loading Crew's 6 month pictures since he's now almost 9 months.  Thank goodness for crock pots, pre-made spaghetti sauce and noodles.  
   As I sit here trying to soothe an irritable baby while reminding myself for the tenth time of all that I have left to do today I catch myself.  Thank goodness I caught myself.  I was reminded of a message that Pastor Louie Giglio preached last week.  He taught me about moments just like this one.  When I feel overwhelmed, under appreciated and tired.  "Don't give the enemy a seat at your table." That's exactly what I was doing just a minute ago.  As I let myself get caught up in the whirlwind of life whether it be life inside or outside of our home, as I let chores and emotions get the best of me, the enemy was slowly, silently pulling a seat up at my table.  
   I almost didn't catch him.  I started to think how I should be a better mother, wife, daughter, homemaker.  Why do I always have such a mess around me?  Why can't I manage my time better? Why is my baby so upset? My friend's baby is always happy aka instagram!  Can I get an Amen!  You see, that talk right there is the enemy.  He pulled up a chair and started whispering these things to me.  He will encourage that kind of talk and he will keep pushing and prodding and showing me all that I am not until I find myself in a pit of self pity, denial and despair.  
   Not today!  I caught him and I took my seat back because that seat is taken.  Today, in this moment, in the middle of my mess and chores and even with the sound of crying from my teething baby I am choosing to listen to my Father.  My God tells me that I am beautiful, strong, courageous and determined.  So I took a minute, said a little prayer, turned on some music and kept moving and today I took a little step in the right direction.  Instead of getting caught up in the hustle and bustle, my emotions and stresses, I chose to lean on my Father and He gave me strength and revival in my own home and my heart. 

Crewson is 6 Months

   I'm not sure if it was the sleep deprivation or the pressures of being a new mom but the first few months went by pretty slow to me.  These past three months, however, have flown by.  I feel like I was just turning in my resignation at work to stay home with my newborn son and now I have a 6 month old that is army crawling, sleeping at night (hallelujah) and eating food.  

   It's so hard to believe that 9 months of pregnancy have come and gone.  All the fears of labor and delivery are over.  Our son has been home with us and settled and we have now been parents for 6 months.  Our baby is no longer a baby but a cooing, waving, crawling and biting(ouch) 6 month old boy.  

   He is such a joy and to say that he fills my heart with love is an understatement.  His smiles when I lean over his crib in the morning and pick him up.  His belly laughs when I tickle his neck.  The way he glances up at me and smiles when I am cooking in the kitchen warms my heart.  It's only been 6 months but the struggles of sleep deprivation, feeding a newborn every 2 hours and the woes of colic and reflux are a "distant" memory now.  

   Crewson turned 6 months on July 4th and we even celebrated with a tiny cupcake.  No.. he didn't eat the cake or the icing, really, I blew out his candle and I ate the cupcake! Happy 6 months postpartum to mwah!  

   Crewson is finally sleeping (almost) through the night, usually waking once around 1:30-2:30 to nurse and then back to bed until 6:30-8:00.  He goes down without a hitch most nights after a warm bath, stories, prayers and a little song from his momma.  I cannot sing and I don't pretend to but until that little boy can tell me otherwise I am his favorite vocalist these days.  Crewson also started taking naps last week, again... hallelujah!  I was really struggling to find help online and even asked his pediatrician what I could do.  I am not kidding when I say up to this point this kid wouldn't sleep at all during the day unless in the car or in his stroller and it's just too hot to be walking him in the stroller outdoors.  I seriously considered putting his stroller on a treadmill.  Don't worry I didn't! So, anyways, I ran across an article late one night that spoke of the 2,3,4 rule.  It worked like a charm, literally the next day and honestly it was more about me than Crewson.  

   Simply put, Crewson wakes up around 8 am and I was to put him down for his first nap around 10 am (two hours after he woke).  Then, after he wakes from his first nap I am to put him down again three hours after waking from nap one.  Then again, put him down for bedtime four hours after waking from his second nap.  Now, I understand that this plan isn't totally reliable every day but on the days when I am home with him and we can plan our schedule accordingly it works amazingly well.  Within a day we went from no naps to two naps, in his crib and for the first time in 6 months I was allowed to clean, shower, sleep, whatever I wanted baby free while he got the rest he needs. 

   Crewson also gained two teeth this month.  He's been "teething" for months it seems but I found two tiny white specks late one night before bed and they've been getting larger and larger ever since.  I wish I could say that he's using those teeth to eat but not so much.  He started out as a super picky eater, making funny faces every time we tried pureed veggies or fruit but thanks to some persistence despite Crew's dismay, he now will allow me to feed him almost any fruit or veggie for at least a few spoonfuls.  Luckily we don't have to worry about Crew getting enough to eat, if you've seen the kid you would agree he's not lacking in his gains!  His chubby thighs would give any NFL player a run for their money! 

   Crew was right on track at his 6 month check up! He is weighing in at 17 lb 10 oz, 27 inches long and his noggin' is a little large.  As they tell me in the office, "He's just a little top heavy."  He loves baths and splashing water all over our walls and floor.  He likes to play in his exersaucer and on the floor.  He's no longer a child that I can put down and walk away.  He's quickly learning how to inch worm and roll across the room so baby proofing is a must in the next month.  He is really happy unless he's tired and then it's game over.  This new nap schedule has helped me better plan our day to his and my own advantage.  He's a happier, well rested baby and I am a happier, well rested momma.  

   This month especially has shown me just how fast time is flying by.  When a recent memory popped up on my homepage reminding me of our gender reveal party one year ago, I teared up remembering that night.  I remember the ultrasound tech announcing "it's a boy" to Casey and I while we both cried in that tiny dark room.  I remember walking into stores looking at little boy clothes and surprising our family the next night with a blue fireworks show.  It feels like just the other day and in fact it's been a whole year.  My pregnancy is over and our son is settled into our family.  Looking back I am so thankful for my healthy baby boy and each day we get to enjoy him.  I am thankful for the way God has stretched me as a new mom.  I never knew and I certainly had no idea going into parenthood just how hard this mom thing would be.  I've cried and yelled and prayed in times of such weakness.  I've been broken physically, mentally and emotionally over the past 6 months but I wouldn't trade any of it.  

   God is teaching me so much through this journey of becoming a mom to my son and I pray that he continues to do so.  He is stretching me and Casey as parents and as a husband and wife.  He is showing me a new glimpse at how full life can be while also showing me just how weak I am without Him.  We sing a song in our church titled "Grace Like A Wave" and man, oh man has that song found new meaning in my life.  At one point the song goes "grace comes like a wave, crashing over me" and later in the song it goes "wash over me."  I cling to this truth these days as I learn how to be a mom to my son and a wife to my husband while juggling new responsibilities.  I learned very quickly that I can't do it alone.  That saying "it takes a village" that's no joke.  It takes our family, friends and our church to keep us afloat and most of all it takes me being covered in the grace and love that only my Father provides.  If I try to stand on my own here, I fall every time, back into my puddle of "I can't do this", "it's so hard", "I didn't expect this" but if I cling to my Father and the grace He provides and the love that He gives me every day then I have strength to keep going and keep pushing forward.  

   I'm so thankful for this journey; the good and the bad.  The trials and the triumphs.  I love my son and the beautiful being that he is. I love my husband and the dad that he is learning to be.  I love the way my Father is making me into the mother, wife and woman that I need to be for my family.

Crewson is 5 Months

Our sweet little man is 5 months old this weekend! It's hard to believe another month has flown by.  I feel like every day is a new adventure with him.  Our snuggly little baby is now an active, loud baby boy with all that that entails.  His personality is starting to surface and he is already showing us just how active life with this boy is going to be. 

Crewson is the happiest baby first thing in the morning. I love watching him wake up and smile.  He loves to play on his mat and roll around the floor.  He's grabbing at everything including the toys on his exersaucer and the ones that dangle on his chair.  This boy loves to be outdoors.  We laugh because sometimes if he is upset all you have to do is walk outside and he immediately calms down.  

He recently went through his 4 month sleep regression and a phase where he absolutely hated being in the car.  Thankfully he is now sleeping in his crib through the night; thanks to sleep training.  This momma is finally getting to sleep in her own bed and get a full nights sleep.. Hallelujah!  He is also more comfortable in the car now which makes running errands much more pleasant.  

He weighed in at 16 lb 4 oz at his 4 month check up.  He's favoring more football player (short and stocky) than basketball star at this point.  His blue eyes are still baby blue and his hair is finally starting to come in.  We're still waiting to see if he's going to be a blondie or turn a bit darker.  

Big accomplishments this month are rolling all around and pushing up on his knees.  We finally heard his first big laugh and he is beginning to respond to different people's voices and their presence in the room.  There really isn't much that he doesn't enjoy right now.  Seeing the difference that sleep training has made in his demeanor and watching his attitude during the day when he rests better at night has been amazing.  He still nurses like a champ and is beginning solids soon.  

I feel like this month has been the turning point for both he and I. I am settling into my role as stay at home mom and he is getting over some hurdles from when he was a young baby.  He is an absolute joy and I can't wait to see what this next month holds for our family! 

Crewson is 4 Months

My.. oh.. my how time flies when you're having fun! 

Our baby boy, Crewson Michael is 4 months old.  I've said it before and I am sure I will say it again but this past month has been fun.  Crewson is rolling from side to side and some how "spinning" on his play mat.  I will lay him down one way and come back to find him the opposite way and sometimes on a different side.  He is grabbing and holding toys now and almost always putting them in his mouth.  He is taking full advantage of all his toys that he is spoiled with thanks to all of you.  He plays on his mat, his rocker and now his "exersaucer" and a walker.  

We're getting lots of oohs and ahhs these days.  He is such a "ham" giving lots of smiles and smirks. He is quickly becoming a total flirt.  Crewson loves long baths, reading with mom and dad, strolls around the farm and anything on a tv screen.  Like most men, he will watch a tv show or video on our phones until we turn it off.  He especially likes music and Doc Mcstuffins.

Unfortunately our relaxing car rides are over for the time being.  We can hardly run errands these days without screams and cries from the backseat.  Restful nights are still few and far between.  Crewson will sleep but usually only with mom or dad or short naps in the rock and play.  He was sleeping on his stomach in his crib until he learned to roll over which now wakes him up.  Honestly, these days sleep is overrated and we roll with the punches as they come.  One day we will sleep again. 

Little man is weighing in at 15 lb 4 oz and 26 inches long. 

His blue eyes are still baby blue and that blonde hair is only getting blonder with the summer sun. Speaking of summer, we recently fit in yet another beach trip and plan for another trip down next month.  I am determined to have a beach baby that loves the sand and the waves like his momma. 

We're looking forward to soaking in the month of May and can't wait to celebrate his cousin Kingston's 2nd birthday at the end of this month.  

Crewson 3 Months

Our little boy turned 3 months yesterday! On one hand it's hard to believe that he is already 3 months old but on the other hand, we have fit so much into those 3 months that it honestly feels like it's been a bit longer.  We've been to the mountains, Disney World, the beach and now a quick trip to the lake.  Our normal days are, of course, much simpler.  We usually wake around 7am and start slow.  I have the privilege to stay home with Crewson so I get to focus a lot of time on playing and enrichment with him outside of the time I spend on chores and running errands; sometimes those just don't get done. 

Crewson is really starting to show his personality.  He's started to watch ceiling fans and bright lights and will even follow us across the room.  He especially likes bright colors and has recently shown interest in our cell phones and television.  We now have to strap him into his rocker because he scoots himself to the bottom and almost out of the chair.  Just this week he has really started to "talk".  He will coo and ahh and make all those precious baby noises.  He loves to grab things now and hold things in his hands which inevitably end up in his mouth.  A good friend of ours gave him a small puppy blanket and he has fallen in love with it.  It has become a small treasure that he has to have when he goes down for a nap.  

I absolutely loved the newborn phase and I will never take those sweet snuggles for granted but I am really excited for this next phase to come.  I know things will only become more interesting when I am chasing a crawler around and then running after him in the front yard.  He's beginning to roll from side to side and if his kicks that began in utero are any indication of what type of mover he will be then we will be chasing him soon enough.  

He is weighing in at 13lb 13 oz and those baby blues are blue as can be and his blonde hair is getting blonder.  

He is simply a joy to have and we love getting to see his new endeavors and excitement each day. 

Crewson 2 Months

Wow! Our second month with Crewson has been a blast. We're transitioning out of the newborn phase and beginning to really see what life outside of our house is like with a baby.  In fact we've made a trip to the NC mountains with our good friends and even a trip to Disney World with family!  

Crewson is officially out of newborn clothing and quickly growing out of 3 months.  He loves baths now and a rocking seat.  He's still not a fan of tummy time or sleeping longer than 2 or 3 hours but he is sleeping in his crib.  

Crewson is 12 lb 5 oz and 23 1/2 inches.  He's starting to smile and giggle as well as coo and ahh.  Those sweet baby sounds are the best.  His favorite entertainment right now is a ceiling fan.  He loves nothing more than to watch it spin for hours.  

Note to my mom and all the moms out there... I'm sorry.

Note to my mom and all the moms out there….         I’m sorry.

That’s right I said it.  All those times growing up when you told me, “just wait, you’ll see, one day when you have your own kids you’ll understand.”  Well, that day came sooner rather than later.  It wasn’t long after Crewson came into this world and especially after bringing him home that I finally understood what my mom had been talking about all those years. 

Whether it was after an argument her and I had about why I couldn’t stay out or when she cried because I was just growing up too fast; now I am quickly learning why she said those things and the reasoning behind them.  Just today I was texting my mom about how I was packing Crewson’s newborn outfits away because he could no longer fit in them.  It hurt my heart to fold those precious little outfits and lay them in boxes.  How was this happening already?  I feel like it was yesterday when the doctor came in the room and said “Congratulations.”  Tomorrow I will yet again pull out my camera and take another “monthly photo” to keepsake how quickly he’s growing and changing.  Two months, how can it already be two months.  My water just broke, I just came home to blue ribbon on the door and a stork in the yard; how can he already be cooing and ahhing and needing 3-6 month clothing? 

“One day… just wait… you’ll understand.”  

Oh how those words are so close to my heart today yet sting me at the same time… because I know just as fast as the 9 months of pregnancy and these past 2 months of “newborn cuteness, up all night and when am I going to get the hang of this breastfeeding thing” phase have come and gone… I know the next months aren’t going to slow down anymore than these did.  It’s going to come quickly and leave quicker.  Before I know it he’ll be crawling and walking and then running, most likely naked holding a stick off down the front yard and yet there’s nothing I can do to change that. 

Suddenly what my mom told me, my nanny told me, what my mother in law told me, my friends with kids, my coworkers, my sisters in law… they were all right.  He’s my baby and as much as I want him to grow up to be strong and brave, I want to keep him here as a baby in my arms just a little bit longer.  I want to freeze time like Elsa and not “let it go” (sorry.. I know you’re singing it now).  I want to remember every coo and ahh and smile. I want to remember his baby smell.  I never knew a love like this before and this baby of mine.. well he’s growing up fast and I just stand by and watch him grow.  (I can hear you on the other side of this computer screen saying “I told you so”)

So.. just as quickly as I have learned what you meant all those times as I half listened and rolled my eyes, I want you to know, to all those moms out there speaking on behalf of a new first time momma… I hear you now and I’m sorry and thank you.  Thank you for loving me like I love him and trying your best to show me that I need to cherish this time before it’s too late.  I remember your words when I am rocking my baby and holding my cell phone, as I am watching the third episode of fuller house while my baby rocks in his swing and as I jump back on pinterest when my baby is smiling at me but I didn’t see it because I was distracted.  Your momma words are heavy today and they are teaching me to put away my distractions and grab hold of these few moments I have before they’re gone.  Your words may not have meant much to me when you said them but they’re catching up quick now and don’t worry, I’ll be sure to say to my kids just like you said it to me… “Just wait… you watch… one day when you have your own kids you’ll understand.”

Crewson 1 Month

It's February 4 and Crewson is officially 1 month old. 

It doesn't seem like my little man should be a month already yet the short days and long nights seem like they've been far longer than that.  Looking back on our first month as parents, I have been delightfully surprised. My pregnancy and delivery were wonderful and I would do it again tomorrow( I mean that) just not planning another baby quite yet.  By far the hardest part has been breastfeeding.  I had no idea just how hard those first days would be and the process following through the first month.  I'm thankful to be on the upswing and be leveling out in a healthy position to hopefully feed Crewson through his first year.  

I told Casey I wish someone had given us a newborn for a weekend before we had kids.  I never knew how much I could accomplish in 15 minutes.  What used to take me hours like cleaning house, washing my hair, shaving or cooking and eating dinner; I can now do in mere minutes.  If I had only known how precious time was before this point.

I'm proud to say that we've been careful about soaking in Crewson's newborn phase while also making sure we are quick to bounce back into life.  I returned to church when Crewson was two weeks and while that may upset some, it was exactly what this momma needed.  Thankfully my parents live within minutes from our church and we are able to swing in, drop him off and make it through a service before needing to head back.  My only struggle in those first days was feeding Crewson through the night.  I never knew how lonely the night time could be while he and I were up just the two of us for those long hours(I didn't wake Casey; since I am breastfeeding I didn't see a reason for both of us to go without sleep when he quite frankly couldn't do much for me in the night time hours when I was the one that needed to feed Crewson.)  It was that first Sunday in church when I got to worship and sing and feel the overwhelming presence of the Lord surrounded by my church family that helped me get through those first weeks.  It's as if immersing myself in worship gave me enough strength and energy to get through another week of my new routine and I continue to feel that renewal each week when I get back into church. 

We've been so lucky to soak up some "warmer" temperatures recently and take advantage of our farm and some long walks by the lake.  I've loved getting to stroll outside with Crewson even in the middle of January.  

Crewson has been a great baby!  He only cries when he's hungry, getting his diaper changed or fighting sleep; which he fights like a champ.  One breath he will be screaming and the next passed out mouth wide open.  He feeds wonderfully and loves to be held upright.  He's not a fan of laying on his back nor sitting in a swing.  He does enjoy our vibrating rocker from time to time.  He's currently sleeping in our pack and play bassinet by my bedside but I feed him in his room at night.  I enjoy "my spot" in his room with my glider/recliner and a small television Casey mounted.  It's definitely made our night time feedings much more enjoyable as he eats and I catch up on a tv series.  

As we wrap up our first month Crewson is weighing in at 9 lb 8 oz, is officially out of newborn diapers and quickly working his way out of newborn clothes.  He's already enjoyed his first snow and like I mentioned earlier, has gotten in a few strolls around the farm.  We're starting to work on tummy time and trying to learn to tolerate lying on our back.  We'll be celebrating our first Valentine's next week and possibly even a trip to the mountains.  

Thank you to all our family and friends that brought us meals and gifts; made time to hold our sweet baby and those that continue to show up every week spoiling us and our little man with their time and love.  

To My Son

To my sweet little boy... 

It's only been a week since we brought you home and you are already teaching me so much about life and love.  I knew you would change your dad and I for the better when you arrived, I just didn't realize how quickly you would do it.  

In the short week that you've been in my arms you've taught me that love is messy and that we show love at the greatest at times when we're serving others.  You've taught me about giving of myself for someone I love and putting others first before myself.  You've shown me just how tough I am and how tender my heart is also.  You've made me realize how empty life was before you and how strong the fight is within me to keep those I love safe.  You've begun our family and stolen our hearts with your first breath.  You've made us realize how selfish we were before at times and how we'd stop the world for you now.  

Your tiny soul has made me a mommy and has shown me a glimpse at the love my mom has for me and the love your daddy's mom has for him.  Never again will I look at your daddy quite the same way.  Not just because he is the love of my life, now the love that is also captured in you but also because he is someone's son and suddenly I can relate to the love that his mommy felt and still feels today.  

The greatest love that you've taught me about since your birth is the love of my Heavenly Father, our Savior, our God.  The love I feel for you is only a fraction of the love He feels for us.  A love that He gave everything to keep, a love that sacrificed and saved sinners from a deserving death.  

My son, my baby boy how you are just getting started in this life and I pray you have a long long life ahead of you.  You are just a baby but you are changing the world in our eyes and the beat of our hearts.  I love you my darling.  Your mommy I will always be.

Welcome to the World 

Crewson Michael Smith

January 4, 2016 

3:04 am 

7lb 8oz    20 3/4 in

In honor of our son's 1 week birthday I am finally getting our delivery story and announcement up on the blog.  

The week before Crewson was born we had been assured that little man was just "awfully comfy" in there and we had planned the rest of our appointments including an induction appointment for January 11 to talk about how he would be forced into this world. It was that Saturday night, January 2 that he made his own plans.  I was lying in bed at 10:30, reassuring my family that nope; there was no baby yet when my water broke.  Casey and I called the hospital, gathered our things and went on in.  It was a quick trip through triage to confirm that we were "in labor" and then off to settle into our room.  At this time we had no idea how settled we would get. 

I tried to "labor" for 4 hours through the night into early morning but no progress was made so at 4:00 am they started my epidural and pitocin.  We literally "labored" through the entire day Sunday, turning the pitocin on and off because of dips in Crewson's heart rate and even discussing whether or not a C-section would be necessary.  Basically, Crewson had broken my water but my body was not ready to go into labor.  At 9pm they restarted pitocin for the last time.  Later, I was checked and found to be 7 cm and told I would labor for another 4 hours and then recheck.  It wasn't long after that Crewson's heart rate dipped to 66 and while nurses rushed the room I was checked one final time before being wheeled off to the OR when I was found to be 10 cm and ready to go.  Thanks to our doctor and an amazingly patient nursing staff I was allowed and encouraged to have a "regular" delivery and avoided the OR.  It was a stressful hour of pushing while we closely watched Crewson's heart rate with each contraction that we finally met our son at 3:04am on Monday! Our sweet family literally stayed from Saturday night through to Monday morning waiting for our son's arrival.  Thanks to the new facilities at our hospital, our family literally took over the waiting room that weekend and even threw a Panther football party that Sunday!  I, personally didn't witness this excitement but I did receive visitors during commercial breaks! (wink wink)

First family picture

Our stay at the hospital was absolutely amazing.  My famous last words "I'd stay here another day or two" did come true when Crewson's blood sugars dropped on day 3 and we were allowed to stay in our same room with Crewson for another day to level out his sugar levels.  The nursing staff was amazing.  I can't speak highly enough of the women and men that took care of us that week. Not only did they make sure that I was comfortable and encouraged to ask questions about feeding and my healing but they put Crewson and my husband at top priority as well. I really felt like the staff was a part of a team and they came together to provide us with such amazing care during our time there.  It sounds crazy but I honestly look forward to growing our family again in the coming years with such an amazing unit and staff.

Casey holding Crewson for the first time

Getting ready to head home from the hospital on Thursday January 8

Seeing our little boy in his room for the first time 

Looking back on a week ago I wouldn't do a thing differently.  I tried really hard to stay positive and look for the blessings in my pregnancy and not the opportunities to complain and I personally think that helped me stay flexible and encouraged throughout the process.   I think it also helped me remain calm and ready throughout our delivery.  I mean.. 27 hours of labor and I wouldn't change a thing.  It's called Jesus and pain meds!  Of course there was morning sickness, stretch marks and sleepless nights but there is also a baby boy that I get to hold in my arms now.  There were moments that Casey and I got to witness God's miracles here on earth.  We got to cry together as we were told "It's a boy".  We got to cling to one another in the delivery room as our son entered this world.  We got to do this thing called life together and create a child together and become a family that only we, together could create.  Now we get to continue our walk into parenthood holding hands as we navigate this next season in life. 

As we wrap up our first week people have asked "how are you holding up?", "aren't you exhausted?", "i'm impressed you're already doing so much."  Well, I'd like to give credit where credit is due.  I am the way I am and I have been able to be the mom I want to be because of the man beside me and the family behind us and the friends behind them.  My husband has always been my strength and encouragement.  There's never been a day that he hasn't blessed me and given me the love I needed.  Our pregnancy and delivery was no different.  He has loved me and encouraged me.  He has bent over backwards and gone above and beyond for our family.  He went from being the man that was going to pass out in the corner of the delivery room to the man that coached me through the whole thing and hasn't stopped.  He's strong and steady, he is infatuated with our son and he is already leading our family in the way of the Lord.  

Thank you to our family and friends.  To those that were at the hospital as we checked in, to my mom that was my bedside nurse and Casey's tap out partner.  To our moms that tended to our every need and our dads that kept Casey encouraged and loved on me.  To Crewson's aunts, uncles and cousins who made trips to and from the hospital awaiting his arrival, drew pictures to hang on our room walls and stayed in there for the long haul ready to love on us and Crewson once he arrived.  To the family that traveled hours to be there for the event and to those that could have/should have gone home to rest but stayed just because they didn't want to miss a thing.  Our friends that brought bagels, treats and sweet gifts.  Those that held our hands and our baby boy.  I've never felt so loved and honored and treasured in my entire life.  It takes a village and our village is like no other.  I can't wait to bring up our little man in this community.

To my Heavenly Father, my Savior, my Counselor and my King.  Thank you.  Thank you for blessing me with such a treasure.  I know he is only mine for a season and I promise to point him to you every day of my life.  I never knew what love was until this little boy looked up at me on that day.  He is teaching me so much about love and the love you must feel for us.  The sacrifice you gave for us.  We are such broken people and you gave your Son to save us.