I struggle because I am a planner. I am an A type personality with a need for perfection. I love calendars, organizational charts and countless "to do" lists. I have plans for today, this week, next month, one year from now, five years from now and so on and so forth. The problem isn't that I plan, per say, but that I plan with little to no room for change. I realize that this is not how it works and that in cases like mine, plans hardly ever work out according to plan!
I am currently reading Confessions of a raging perfectionist, written by Amanda Jenkins. Her work is amazing but making my way through her book has been a mixture of torture and therapy. Just like Amanda, I know where my heart is suppose to be and that with faith I am to trust in the Father and His plans for my life but sometimes it's hard not to get upset when plans go haywire. Amanda's words hit really close to home in this excerpt, "I have come to realize I'm not a planner; I'm a hoper. I hoped I'd be married at twenty-six; hoped I'd live in New York City; I hoped I'd work as a screenwriter; I hoped I'd have my first child at twenty-eight. I can't say I had a well-thought-out plan for any of these things-- I sort of aspired to them. Some of them have happened; some have not. But whether I refer to the stuff I want to happen in my life as plans, hopes, dreams or whatever, at some point or another, plans fail, hopes defer and dreams die. So then what? I'm face to face with God, my brow furrowed, saying, "What were you thinking?" And then I realize the real question is, What was I thinking? Thank God I didn't marry that guy at twenty-six, and thank God I had no children at twenty-eight, and the list goes on."
Whew! Amanda's words remind me that as I plan for the future and hope for what I would like to see happen, it's not guaranteed and just as I look forward at what may be, I need to look back at what could have been and luckily, didn't! I get so wrapped up in the moment and the right now that I forget to look past what's right in front of me and my current plans and desires. I forget to thank God for allowing me to make mistakes but picking me back up and loving me through the process. I need to remember the plans I had in my past that didn't go according to plan; that because of God's Greatness, He didn't give me control over everything.
I pray that as I continue through life and plan for tomorrow; I remember my Heavenly Father and His promises for life and plans to prosper. He has a life for me that I cannot fathom and one day as I stand in front of Him, I don't want to apologize for fighting against Him but rejoice for following Him.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Leading Ladies
I have been blessed with amazing women in my life at the most critical times. In my hardest moments and my highest peaks, I have been blessed to have a strong, encouraging group of women around me. These women certainly don't fall out of the sky but with a little courage, I have been able to take the first step and join a life group/e group that has brought them into my life.
There are so many important reasons to become part of a life group/e group at your church. I always get concerned expressions when people are informed that our church doesn't have "Sunday school." The reason for that is, that our "Sunday school" environment happens in "small group" settings during other times of the week. Casey and I have always been in a small group and it has continually fed us spiritually, emotionally and mentally. I look back over the years and would hate to know how I would have handled some of the experiences life has given me without my small group.
Shortly after Casey and I married, we joined an e group through Elevation. Our particular e group was a "young married group" that meets on Tuesday nights. We've been a part of this group for a couple years now and I continue to thank God for the men and women that have walked through our path and joined us in the first years of marriage. As the time goes by, our group grows and develops further. When we started, it was small group of newly married couples and now we have 2 newborns and one arriving in a couple of months. As we walk through life together, we are able to help one another in whatever struggles and praises come along.
Take today for example; I started my day conquering everything on my task list and felt like it was going to be a fantastic afternoon. Just as my sails were flying high, darkness came and struggles appeared and without warning, I was stressed over life complications. Of course, I prayed and took a walk to speak with God. That certainly helped, but I admit, sometimes I struggle emotionally when I speak to God and I feel His Presence but the hurt remains and I just need to talk to a girl! Can I get an Amen? Within minutes I was able to contact a few of my friends from our e group and we were able to meet for a walk. I can't tell you the difference it made to be able to vent, regroup and get honest, genuine advice on how to handle my situation. Hours after my struggle appeared, I felt rejuvenated and better equipped to deal with the problem. I am so thankful for the women that God has placed in my life. Each one is different and pure in their own way. We all have different walks of life and ways of the world, but together we come and love on one another. Being able to talk and share moments together allows us to become better women, wives and mothers. I am so blessed!
There are so many important reasons to become part of a life group/e group at your church. I always get concerned expressions when people are informed that our church doesn't have "Sunday school." The reason for that is, that our "Sunday school" environment happens in "small group" settings during other times of the week. Casey and I have always been in a small group and it has continually fed us spiritually, emotionally and mentally. I look back over the years and would hate to know how I would have handled some of the experiences life has given me without my small group.
Shortly after Casey and I married, we joined an e group through Elevation. Our particular e group was a "young married group" that meets on Tuesday nights. We've been a part of this group for a couple years now and I continue to thank God for the men and women that have walked through our path and joined us in the first years of marriage. As the time goes by, our group grows and develops further. When we started, it was small group of newly married couples and now we have 2 newborns and one arriving in a couple of months. As we walk through life together, we are able to help one another in whatever struggles and praises come along.
Take today for example; I started my day conquering everything on my task list and felt like it was going to be a fantastic afternoon. Just as my sails were flying high, darkness came and struggles appeared and without warning, I was stressed over life complications. Of course, I prayed and took a walk to speak with God. That certainly helped, but I admit, sometimes I struggle emotionally when I speak to God and I feel His Presence but the hurt remains and I just need to talk to a girl! Can I get an Amen? Within minutes I was able to contact a few of my friends from our e group and we were able to meet for a walk. I can't tell you the difference it made to be able to vent, regroup and get honest, genuine advice on how to handle my situation. Hours after my struggle appeared, I felt rejuvenated and better equipped to deal with the problem. I am so thankful for the women that God has placed in my life. Each one is different and pure in their own way. We all have different walks of life and ways of the world, but together we come and love on one another. Being able to talk and share moments together allows us to become better women, wives and mothers. I am so blessed!
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