







55*
I can’t believe I just typed that number. It seems like last week we were newly engaged and now we’re less than two months away from the big day. Our two month mark was this past Sunday and I must admit it hit me pretty hard. I hadn’t had any nervous feelings or worries about our time left until that moment. When I realized we were approaching the deadline for checks to be mailed and invitations to be sent I became a little overwhelmed. It finally hit me that not only was I getting married in two months but moving into a new home and starting my morning with a man from that day forward. I “knew” this was coming but it didn’t register until now.
Another test was this past Saturday when Casey and I decorated our guest room. We’d been looking forward to this day for a little while because it’d be the first “change” in “our” home. After a few squabbles about paint color and how to organize the furniture it hit me again that this was “our” guest room. I’ve been use to my house, his house and their house. Now it was going to become our home and our decisions were going to be compromises. After the room was finished and we both sat admiring our work it became more sweet than scary. I was proud of our accomplishment and now had a beautiful room to showcase how well we could work together.
I’m sure there will be several moments like these over the coming weeks. Thing is I feel that God has prepared Casey and I better than we could have ever planned. We’ve been blessed in so many ways but certainly have had our rough spots. We’ve been through thick and thin with one another and stand stronger today than ever before. It’s amazing to me that some of the hardest times you’ll ever experience will not only make you stronger as an individual but sturdier as a couple. I feel that our foundation for marriage has been laid, paved and cemented into place by our past experiences, mentors, friends and family to where no matter what comes our way we will be able to handle it. I’ve seen so much growth in Casey, in myself and in our relationship over the past year that I don’t see how I could ever have “cold feet”. I may experience some jitters about moving into a new home and new town or about finalizing an outdoor wedding at the end of June but concerning Casey and I’s marriage and our ability to last; I have no concerns.
I consider myself blessed to have the opportunity to marry a man that I love being around not just on fancy date nights but in the Wendy’s drive through, not just because he’s a wonderful and caring man but because he allows me to be 100% me, and not just because he listens to every ramble but because there is not another man that could ever make me feel the way he does every day.


It was decided. I was going to wear heels and not just any pair of heels. I was going to go on the search for a pair of pink satin heels! So this is where I find myself now. I am currently on the lookout for my dream shoes. Cinderella had her glass slippers… it’s my turn to wear something fabulous to get me to my prince!
178.
I can hardly believe that four weeks have gone by since our engagement. I worried that this moment would fly by and I’d find myself standing at the reception wondering where the time went. I guess I have been lucky thus far in being so busy with the holidays that I have been able to enjoy every moment of it at a steady pace. It’s such an incredible feeling to stand in front of a man and know that you will call him your husband. I can remember frolicking around my bedroom when I was younger pretending to get married. I would wear one of my mom’s old white evening gowns and carry wild flowers out of the back yard. I had this image of what my future groom would look like but could never picture the actualization of that dream coming true.
All the events that you go through during high school and college changes you in so many ways that there is no way possible I would have been able to plan where I am now. These days when I wake up in the morning it’s hard not to smile. I am so thankful for the blessings in my life. I remember back in March when Casey and I began talking about an engagement seriously; my initial reaction was that I wasn’t ready. Could I be a wife? Could I handle the chores of a home and a family? I’m not finished with school, can I handle both? These questions worried me for months. My first action was to read.. read any informational book I could get my hands on. Then I went to talk to a counselor. I wanted an “outsiders” opinion on my readiness. Next, I talked to friends; both married and single. During this time, Casey and I both prayed. We prayed that if God didn’t want us to get married now or ever that he’d make it evident in our lives. Next thing I knew, 5 months later we were looking at rings.
After all my research, I’d discovered that every marriage is different. Some people wait until their careers are developed and successful, some wait until they’ve reached an “appropriate” age, some get married after only a few months of dating and some wait until they can have their “perfect” wedding. I finally understood that it wasn’t about what everyone else said as long as Casey and I felt it in our hearts and knew that God would be pleased with our decision. We consulted our pastor and a few mentors and made the decision that this was what we wanted and it would be our next step. I placed my “pre-engagement” books on my shelf and held Casey’s hand as we both whole-heartedly moved forward. We visited several jewelry stores and found many beautiful possibilities. I personally, didn’t care whether or not I knew what the ring looked like or how Casey proposed as long as it was personal and representative to both of us. You’d think after so many months of preparation that there was no way I’d be surprised when he asked me but I was. I use to daydream about what kind of reaction I would have. Would I cry? Would I say “yes”, “sure”, or “of course”? Truth be told, I think I did all of the above.
So here we are. Four weeks into a seven month engagement and we both are ecstatic. We booked our beautiful location (I never dreamed that it would be so perfect), we’ve picked colors, seen a florist, spoken to a musician, and picked our menu. Next up, the attire! I plan on going with a natural, southern look but as many brides have told me the minute you step into the dressing room all your “plans” change. So we’ll just have to see. My goal is to have my dress, the girl’s dresses, the flower girl’s dress, and the flowers done by late January/mid February!
P.S. I’d love any advice on this wedding bliss*



I have always been a dreamer. Nothing is too big or out of reach. Never has a day gone by where I haven’t taken time to dream of the future and what may lie ahead. However over the last few years I have been forced to pull myself out of my dreams and face the reality in front of me. The time following my high school graduation to Christmas of my freshman year in college held some of the hardest moments I have ever had to live through and never want to again. Between being too young to know how to handle the circumstances and being too immature to face the facts of what needed to be done I found myself a few months later living a life different from the one I had been living before. I would never tell a young girl or boy not to dream of what their life may hold but I would recommend keeping a firm grasp to the sturdy ground. It took me coming through fire to find the oasis of what I never had anticipated but wanted more than anything. I use to kneel by my bed at night and pray that the Lord would deliver me from all of the pain that overwhelmed my body and know that he was teaching a lesson to a struggling student. Progressively I began to pick up the pieces of what life I had lived and lay out a new path to follow. Like a mosaic of my past and the unknown future ahead I was ready to listen instead of demand. For years I had made my own destiny and now I found myself hopelessly devoted to the plans that had been laid for me. Over the past year or so I have continued upon a different destiny that shines a much brighter future than the one I had seen through the dark tunnel before. I began to find interest in education and other hobbies once again. I changed the way I handled relationships and social interactions between friends and family. Even though there were still problems that arose born from the tragic events engraved in my past I was now equipped with the materials I needed to graciously overcome them. It was not until recently that I woke up from the sleepiness that I had been suffering from for the years past and realized that I was happier at this very moment than I had ever been when I constructed my own future. I had listened to the Words of the Lord and the advice of close mentors and now found myself in sheer bliss. Long ago when I came to the brink of continuing in my destructive ways and beginning a new I had this underlying voice telling me that I was leaving everything I ever stood for. I was giving up my dreams and my plans for the future that I knew I wanted and had to have in order to live happily. Now I can see that that voice was not the true spirit of whom I am but the person that I had habitually become and needed to leave in the past forever. What if I had continued? What if I had kept tearing away at life as if it was only what you made of it? What if I had kept telling God where I was going to go? What if I had never lifted my hands to the heavens and screamed to the light from above that I was giving in, giving up and stepping away from everything I stood for but what was killing me? All of these questions make me so deliriously happy that I did. I turned my back on the poison of younger years and walked into a new life of promises not declared by myself but by God whom was willing and wanting to give me the happiness I desired but could not and would not reach on my own. I am so grateful to the people, places and situations that had to happen in order for me to find myself in the standing that I am today. The peace of knowing that even through the drenching rains I will find shelter. I will grow like a never-dying floral vine. There will be thorns along the way but just at the right moment a speck of color will peek through. Life cannot be planned in an agenda or on a calendar. You cannot map out every event that will arise and if you could where would be the surprise. It took me falling to the end of the slippery rope I had been braiding to understand that the life I longed for so much was already carved in my destiny. And one day, like today I would find myself happier than I could have ever envisioned and none of that would be because of the plans I had prepared.








Last night I was reminded of one blessing in my life that I regretably take for granted too often.
Surrounded with friends, sitting, talking about hardships in the past and exciting events to come in the future I was reminded of just how lucky I am to be the girl I am and to be with the man I am. For years I prayed that God would bring a man into my life that would care for me, make me better than I am, and offer me a future that I could only dream of. It still amazes me over two years later that I have found that man and that I have gotten to spend so many wonderful moments with him. He is not only beautiful inside and out but a strong christian and hard worker. He is loving and hilarious. He would give you his last dollar and stand beside you through your worst days. He puts others first and is not swayed by society's standards. I love him more than he will ever know and pray that I get to spend eternity trying to make him as happy and he makes me. i love you Casey! <3

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