Crewson 2 Months

Wow! Our second month with Crewson has been a blast. We're transitioning out of the newborn phase and beginning to really see what life outside of our house is like with a baby.  In fact we've made a trip to the NC mountains with our good friends and even a trip to Disney World with family!  

Crewson is officially out of newborn clothing and quickly growing out of 3 months.  He loves baths now and a rocking seat.  He's still not a fan of tummy time or sleeping longer than 2 or 3 hours but he is sleeping in his crib.  

Crewson is 12 lb 5 oz and 23 1/2 inches.  He's starting to smile and giggle as well as coo and ahh.  Those sweet baby sounds are the best.  His favorite entertainment right now is a ceiling fan.  He loves nothing more than to watch it spin for hours.  

Note to my mom and all the moms out there... I'm sorry.

Note to my mom and all the moms out there….         I’m sorry.

That’s right I said it.  All those times growing up when you told me, “just wait, you’ll see, one day when you have your own kids you’ll understand.”  Well, that day came sooner rather than later.  It wasn’t long after Crewson came into this world and especially after bringing him home that I finally understood what my mom had been talking about all those years. 

Whether it was after an argument her and I had about why I couldn’t stay out or when she cried because I was just growing up too fast; now I am quickly learning why she said those things and the reasoning behind them.  Just today I was texting my mom about how I was packing Crewson’s newborn outfits away because he could no longer fit in them.  It hurt my heart to fold those precious little outfits and lay them in boxes.  How was this happening already?  I feel like it was yesterday when the doctor came in the room and said “Congratulations.”  Tomorrow I will yet again pull out my camera and take another “monthly photo” to keepsake how quickly he’s growing and changing.  Two months, how can it already be two months.  My water just broke, I just came home to blue ribbon on the door and a stork in the yard; how can he already be cooing and ahhing and needing 3-6 month clothing? 

“One day… just wait… you’ll understand.”  

Oh how those words are so close to my heart today yet sting me at the same time… because I know just as fast as the 9 months of pregnancy and these past 2 months of “newborn cuteness, up all night and when am I going to get the hang of this breastfeeding thing” phase have come and gone… I know the next months aren’t going to slow down anymore than these did.  It’s going to come quickly and leave quicker.  Before I know it he’ll be crawling and walking and then running, most likely naked holding a stick off down the front yard and yet there’s nothing I can do to change that. 

Suddenly what my mom told me, my nanny told me, what my mother in law told me, my friends with kids, my coworkers, my sisters in law… they were all right.  He’s my baby and as much as I want him to grow up to be strong and brave, I want to keep him here as a baby in my arms just a little bit longer.  I want to freeze time like Elsa and not “let it go” (sorry.. I know you’re singing it now).  I want to remember every coo and ahh and smile. I want to remember his baby smell.  I never knew a love like this before and this baby of mine.. well he’s growing up fast and I just stand by and watch him grow.  (I can hear you on the other side of this computer screen saying “I told you so”)

So.. just as quickly as I have learned what you meant all those times as I half listened and rolled my eyes, I want you to know, to all those moms out there speaking on behalf of a new first time momma… I hear you now and I’m sorry and thank you.  Thank you for loving me like I love him and trying your best to show me that I need to cherish this time before it’s too late.  I remember your words when I am rocking my baby and holding my cell phone, as I am watching the third episode of fuller house while my baby rocks in his swing and as I jump back on pinterest when my baby is smiling at me but I didn’t see it because I was distracted.  Your momma words are heavy today and they are teaching me to put away my distractions and grab hold of these few moments I have before they’re gone.  Your words may not have meant much to me when you said them but they’re catching up quick now and don’t worry, I’ll be sure to say to my kids just like you said it to me… “Just wait… you watch… one day when you have your own kids you’ll understand.”

Crewson 1 Month

It's February 4 and Crewson is officially 1 month old. 

It doesn't seem like my little man should be a month already yet the short days and long nights seem like they've been far longer than that.  Looking back on our first month as parents, I have been delightfully surprised. My pregnancy and delivery were wonderful and I would do it again tomorrow( I mean that) just not planning another baby quite yet.  By far the hardest part has been breastfeeding.  I had no idea just how hard those first days would be and the process following through the first month.  I'm thankful to be on the upswing and be leveling out in a healthy position to hopefully feed Crewson through his first year.  

I told Casey I wish someone had given us a newborn for a weekend before we had kids.  I never knew how much I could accomplish in 15 minutes.  What used to take me hours like cleaning house, washing my hair, shaving or cooking and eating dinner; I can now do in mere minutes.  If I had only known how precious time was before this point.

I'm proud to say that we've been careful about soaking in Crewson's newborn phase while also making sure we are quick to bounce back into life.  I returned to church when Crewson was two weeks and while that may upset some, it was exactly what this momma needed.  Thankfully my parents live within minutes from our church and we are able to swing in, drop him off and make it through a service before needing to head back.  My only struggle in those first days was feeding Crewson through the night.  I never knew how lonely the night time could be while he and I were up just the two of us for those long hours(I didn't wake Casey; since I am breastfeeding I didn't see a reason for both of us to go without sleep when he quite frankly couldn't do much for me in the night time hours when I was the one that needed to feed Crewson.)  It was that first Sunday in church when I got to worship and sing and feel the overwhelming presence of the Lord surrounded by my church family that helped me get through those first weeks.  It's as if immersing myself in worship gave me enough strength and energy to get through another week of my new routine and I continue to feel that renewal each week when I get back into church. 

We've been so lucky to soak up some "warmer" temperatures recently and take advantage of our farm and some long walks by the lake.  I've loved getting to stroll outside with Crewson even in the middle of January.  

Crewson has been a great baby!  He only cries when he's hungry, getting his diaper changed or fighting sleep; which he fights like a champ.  One breath he will be screaming and the next passed out mouth wide open.  He feeds wonderfully and loves to be held upright.  He's not a fan of laying on his back nor sitting in a swing.  He does enjoy our vibrating rocker from time to time.  He's currently sleeping in our pack and play bassinet by my bedside but I feed him in his room at night.  I enjoy "my spot" in his room with my glider/recliner and a small television Casey mounted.  It's definitely made our night time feedings much more enjoyable as he eats and I catch up on a tv series.  

As we wrap up our first month Crewson is weighing in at 9 lb 8 oz, is officially out of newborn diapers and quickly working his way out of newborn clothes.  He's already enjoyed his first snow and like I mentioned earlier, has gotten in a few strolls around the farm.  We're starting to work on tummy time and trying to learn to tolerate lying on our back.  We'll be celebrating our first Valentine's next week and possibly even a trip to the mountains.  

Thank you to all our family and friends that brought us meals and gifts; made time to hold our sweet baby and those that continue to show up every week spoiling us and our little man with their time and love.  

To My Son

To my sweet little boy... 

It's only been a week since we brought you home and you are already teaching me so much about life and love.  I knew you would change your dad and I for the better when you arrived, I just didn't realize how quickly you would do it.  

In the short week that you've been in my arms you've taught me that love is messy and that we show love at the greatest at times when we're serving others.  You've taught me about giving of myself for someone I love and putting others first before myself.  You've shown me just how tough I am and how tender my heart is also.  You've made me realize how empty life was before you and how strong the fight is within me to keep those I love safe.  You've begun our family and stolen our hearts with your first breath.  You've made us realize how selfish we were before at times and how we'd stop the world for you now.  

Your tiny soul has made me a mommy and has shown me a glimpse at the love my mom has for me and the love your daddy's mom has for him.  Never again will I look at your daddy quite the same way.  Not just because he is the love of my life, now the love that is also captured in you but also because he is someone's son and suddenly I can relate to the love that his mommy felt and still feels today.  

The greatest love that you've taught me about since your birth is the love of my Heavenly Father, our Savior, our God.  The love I feel for you is only a fraction of the love He feels for us.  A love that He gave everything to keep, a love that sacrificed and saved sinners from a deserving death.  

My son, my baby boy how you are just getting started in this life and I pray you have a long long life ahead of you.  You are just a baby but you are changing the world in our eyes and the beat of our hearts.  I love you my darling.  Your mommy I will always be.

Welcome to the World 

Crewson Michael Smith

January 4, 2016 

3:04 am 

7lb 8oz    20 3/4 in

In honor of our son's 1 week birthday I am finally getting our delivery story and announcement up on the blog.  

The week before Crewson was born we had been assured that little man was just "awfully comfy" in there and we had planned the rest of our appointments including an induction appointment for January 11 to talk about how he would be forced into this world. It was that Saturday night, January 2 that he made his own plans.  I was lying in bed at 10:30, reassuring my family that nope; there was no baby yet when my water broke.  Casey and I called the hospital, gathered our things and went on in.  It was a quick trip through triage to confirm that we were "in labor" and then off to settle into our room.  At this time we had no idea how settled we would get. 

I tried to "labor" for 4 hours through the night into early morning but no progress was made so at 4:00 am they started my epidural and pitocin.  We literally "labored" through the entire day Sunday, turning the pitocin on and off because of dips in Crewson's heart rate and even discussing whether or not a C-section would be necessary.  Basically, Crewson had broken my water but my body was not ready to go into labor.  At 9pm they restarted pitocin for the last time.  Later, I was checked and found to be 7 cm and told I would labor for another 4 hours and then recheck.  It wasn't long after that Crewson's heart rate dipped to 66 and while nurses rushed the room I was checked one final time before being wheeled off to the OR when I was found to be 10 cm and ready to go.  Thanks to our doctor and an amazingly patient nursing staff I was allowed and encouraged to have a "regular" delivery and avoided the OR.  It was a stressful hour of pushing while we closely watched Crewson's heart rate with each contraction that we finally met our son at 3:04am on Monday! Our sweet family literally stayed from Saturday night through to Monday morning waiting for our son's arrival.  Thanks to the new facilities at our hospital, our family literally took over the waiting room that weekend and even threw a Panther football party that Sunday!  I, personally didn't witness this excitement but I did receive visitors during commercial breaks! (wink wink)

First family picture

Our stay at the hospital was absolutely amazing.  My famous last words "I'd stay here another day or two" did come true when Crewson's blood sugars dropped on day 3 and we were allowed to stay in our same room with Crewson for another day to level out his sugar levels.  The nursing staff was amazing.  I can't speak highly enough of the women and men that took care of us that week. Not only did they make sure that I was comfortable and encouraged to ask questions about feeding and my healing but they put Crewson and my husband at top priority as well. I really felt like the staff was a part of a team and they came together to provide us with such amazing care during our time there.  It sounds crazy but I honestly look forward to growing our family again in the coming years with such an amazing unit and staff.

Casey holding Crewson for the first time

Getting ready to head home from the hospital on Thursday January 8

Seeing our little boy in his room for the first time 

Looking back on a week ago I wouldn't do a thing differently.  I tried really hard to stay positive and look for the blessings in my pregnancy and not the opportunities to complain and I personally think that helped me stay flexible and encouraged throughout the process.   I think it also helped me remain calm and ready throughout our delivery.  I mean.. 27 hours of labor and I wouldn't change a thing.  It's called Jesus and pain meds!  Of course there was morning sickness, stretch marks and sleepless nights but there is also a baby boy that I get to hold in my arms now.  There were moments that Casey and I got to witness God's miracles here on earth.  We got to cry together as we were told "It's a boy".  We got to cling to one another in the delivery room as our son entered this world.  We got to do this thing called life together and create a child together and become a family that only we, together could create.  Now we get to continue our walk into parenthood holding hands as we navigate this next season in life. 

As we wrap up our first week people have asked "how are you holding up?", "aren't you exhausted?", "i'm impressed you're already doing so much."  Well, I'd like to give credit where credit is due.  I am the way I am and I have been able to be the mom I want to be because of the man beside me and the family behind us and the friends behind them.  My husband has always been my strength and encouragement.  There's never been a day that he hasn't blessed me and given me the love I needed.  Our pregnancy and delivery was no different.  He has loved me and encouraged me.  He has bent over backwards and gone above and beyond for our family.  He went from being the man that was going to pass out in the corner of the delivery room to the man that coached me through the whole thing and hasn't stopped.  He's strong and steady, he is infatuated with our son and he is already leading our family in the way of the Lord.  

Thank you to our family and friends.  To those that were at the hospital as we checked in, to my mom that was my bedside nurse and Casey's tap out partner.  To our moms that tended to our every need and our dads that kept Casey encouraged and loved on me.  To Crewson's aunts, uncles and cousins who made trips to and from the hospital awaiting his arrival, drew pictures to hang on our room walls and stayed in there for the long haul ready to love on us and Crewson once he arrived.  To the family that traveled hours to be there for the event and to those that could have/should have gone home to rest but stayed just because they didn't want to miss a thing.  Our friends that brought bagels, treats and sweet gifts.  Those that held our hands and our baby boy.  I've never felt so loved and honored and treasured in my entire life.  It takes a village and our village is like no other.  I can't wait to bring up our little man in this community.

To my Heavenly Father, my Savior, my Counselor and my King.  Thank you.  Thank you for blessing me with such a treasure.  I know he is only mine for a season and I promise to point him to you every day of my life.  I never knew what love was until this little boy looked up at me on that day.  He is teaching me so much about love and the love you must feel for us.  The sacrifice you gave for us.  We are such broken people and you gave your Son to save us.  

Nursery Reveal

Little Man's Woodland Nursery

   Our son's nursery has by far been the most fun to design and decorate over the past 9 months.  I, honestly, had been planning a little girl's room in my head up until our 15 week ultrasound so when I heard "It's a boy" I wasn't sure which direction I was headed.  Casey immediately jumped into action wanting to pick paint colors and start on this project days after our ultrasound and that's exactly what he did.  We found out on a Friday what we were having and he was bringing home paint on that Monday.  We are blessed to have amazing friends and family that helped us piece together our furniture and decor.  Our crib and dresser were handed down to us by some friends that were ready to send these gorgeous pieces onto another family.  Our glider is my new favorite chair in the house as it rocks, swivels and reclines and our bedding we had made turned out to be everything I wanted and more for our "woodland" theme.  

   Almost all of our decor pieces came from Hobby Lobby and I was able to get them for half off when they run their sales every month.  I wanted our little guy's room to feel more like a bedroom and less like a baby boy nursery and adding these rustic arrows, paddles and hunting memorabilia really helped me achieve that. We've been talking this entire pregnancy about the stories we will hear from little man about his adventures in our woods surrounding the house and we wanted his room to reflect that. 

   I love how many of the pieces for his room came together seamlessly from so many different places. We found his red side table at a antique store, his antler lamp at walmart and his sweet basket to hold his diapers and all the tools we will need when changing time arrives came from a sweet friend.  I love sitting in his room and reminiscing on how so many people gave and shared in the construction of the room that our little boy will come home to and enjoy for so many years.  It really does take a village to raise a child and we're just at the starting line.

   Like I mentioned earlier when I first started "planning" our nursery I was thinking more pink and pearls so when I needed to rethink my son's room I was at a loss at first for what "theme" or design I wanted to go with.  I reached out to a friend that makes baby bedding since what I was finding in store just wasn't cutting it.  She worked graciously with me to find just the right fit between the design I wanted and the colors that Casey liked.  I was nervous that the colors would be too much for the room or that it wouldn't quite work with the overall decor but when she delivered it one night and we saw the whole thing come together it was exactly what we hoped for.  The crib sheet is lined with arrows and the navy bumper fabric has all the woodland creatures you can imagine with their tents and teepees ready for a woodland adventure.  And the fox in the crib... well that's where it all started.  I saw this little fox in our gift shop at work before I knew what we were having.  I told myself I would go back and purchase it if we were having a boy and when I did it birthed the entire woodland theme.  From this little stuffed fox came his crib bedding, his decor and all the fun we've had with his showers a long the way.  

   Like I mentioned earlier a lot of pieces were given to us or shared with us from our family and friends just like the antique cooler above.  One of Casey's clients gave him this cooler a few weeks ago and it fit perfectly by his door.  I also found this neat firewood bucket and added some little fish to the side to make his hamper.  Lastly I found this small chalkboard and want to utilize it to teach our son scripture.  It will be easy for me to use this piece to quote verses to him every day and be able to remind myself when I am up late feeding and rocking that there is a greater purpose in all the chaos while some nights will seem long the weeks will seem short.  

   As of this week we're almost 39 weeks along and I believe we're about as ready as we can be.  His room is prepped, our bags are packed and other than a few last minute items we are ready to meet our son for the first time.  He may not have a name and we may be anxious to see what he looks like but we both feel settled in this timing and our love for one another.  We've enjoyed our years spent just the two of us and will continue to nurture our marriage after our son's arrival but we are excited to start a new journey in the coming weeks and learn about a new love birthed with our child. 

Our last Christmas as a Party of Two

I'm not sure how to start but by saying I love you. I love the way you have changed me in the last 9 months and I love these last few weeks I have with you still inside me.  Even though your kicks have turned into jabs and your little tiny self is now taking all the space left in my abdomen, I love feeling you move and stretch and let your presence be known.  

It's such an exciting yet strange feeling as I sit in your nursery this morning.  I rock in our glider, looking into an empty crib and gazing at all the sweet places you'll grace soon enough.  It's Christmas morning, the last Christmas that your daddy and I will share just the two of us.  Next year this time you'll be walking and talking and we won't remember what a morning like this felt like.  

We are just shy of 38 weeks today.  There was a time when we feared that you would come too soon and now we ponder if you'll over stay your welcome.  You roll and hiccup.  You can open your eyes and hear our voices clearly.  Your lungs are strong and your heart beat is the sweetest sound I have ever heard.  Your daddy and I are ready.  You have been the best thing that has ever happened to us and you have spoiled us with your patience and perseverance.  You've been so kind to me during pregnancy and even though I am enjoying these last moments just you and I, I know that the love my heart is about to embrace as I hold you in my arms is something more than I can imagine.  

So as I sit here in a quiet room meant for a baby boy, as I wait for my baby boy to hold in my arms, I am reminded of another baby boy that came at this time many years ago.  This baby boy changed the world.  He came in the dark of night and not the way his mother planned.  He was small and innocent but he lived a life that saved us from our sins and we call him Savior.  

I pray that today while I feel you twist and turn that I also remember the baby boy that came to save me.  I pray that I enjoy my blessing in my son yet remember that my sweet baby boy is only mine for a moment and in this moment that I point my son to the Son. 

Shower for Little Man and his Woodland Friends

In Early November some of our dearest family and friends threw our family and little man a sweet shower following in his nursery theme.  Ever since I found out we were having a boy I can't help but think about all the time he will spend out in the woods playing and discovering all there is to encounter out our front door. It's been so much fun incorporating some of the outdoors in our nursery and showers.

Our sweet friends already spoiling our Little Guy 

We are so thankful for the way they love us 

 

Mom and I 

Getting closer to making her a Nana

 

 All the Girls 

Little man's great grandmother, Gigi and Aunt 

Can't believe we're about to add a little boy to our group of girls 

Our shower was a wonderful reminder of all those that love our family and just how blessed we are to be surrounded by such amazing people. Casey and I have felt so loved during this season and are honored to be bringing our son into such a warm and joyous environment. 

Until I Hold You in my Arms

   My sweet little boy.. I hardly know how to imagine you at this time. I’ve felt your little kicks and rolls for weeks now; you and I are the closest we will ever be but yet you still feel so far away.  

   You have been a tender dream of mine for many years.  Just like many little girls I used to play pretend, dreaming of a day that I would find a husband and begin a family.  As I grew older I wondered what our family would look like.  Would our family begin with a little girl full of giggles or a sweet eyed baby boy?  

   Sitting here this morning in your room, rocking back and forth in your glider imagining what this empty room will feel like in just a couple of months fills my heart with happiness.  Trying to picture your tiny self in your crib, on our changing table and rocking in my arms is something that has never felt more real than now.  As I rock and try to imagine what you’ll look like and feel like and sound like; you’re kicking inside of me, twisting and rolling from one side to the other.  

   You have already changed your dad and I in so many ways.  Our hearts have grown in these last months and our anticipation of you is getting greater and greater with each passing day.  I love watching your dad when he feels your kicks, watches your movements on an ultrasound and shows off your new room to friends and family.  Your dad has always had my heart but this season of life has taken our bond so much further.  You little boy are making us a mommy and a daddy and we thank God for you and your life every day.  

   We know that you are only ours for a season and I thank God that He allowed me to be the vessel to grow you and bring you into this world.  I am your mommy and I promise to love you with a fierce love all the days of my life but your greatest love will not come from your daddy or I.  I pray that you will find true joy and everlasting love in your Heavenly Father, that one day you will ask our Savior into your heart and He will guide you through your life.  Daddy and I promise to teach you and instruct you in the way of the Lord but we cannot give you the love and peace that Christ can.  

   So while I sit here this morning dreaming of my baby boy and the moments we will soon share I realize that those moments though they will shape me as a woman and they will shape you as a man; I am not the provider you need past this season.  I will enjoy and treasure you and our bond forever but your daddy and I’s goal is to point you to your true Father. 

Until I hold you in my arms little one

May your kicks continue to strengthen

May you grow and grow 

May I remain healthy for your needs 

Until we look into one another’s eyes 

My baby boy, my son 

Little Man's Woodland Baby Shower

   Casey and I have been so loved and blessed during this season but there is just something special when family and friends come together to celebrate our growing family.  This past Saturday marked 29 weeks and a celebration of our little man with a beautiful woodland baby shower.  Casey and I have been laughing at how even though our nursery is being stocked and our car seat ready to install that we still have trouble believing that our son will be born in just a few short months, possibly even sooner.  We both wake up most mornings and crack open the nursery door as if to reassure ourselves that yes, he's well on his way.  With all his kicks and hiccups, ultrasound pictures and my growing belly I still find it overwhelming at times when I sit in our glider and hold one of his toys that my dream of becoming a mommy is coming true.  

   

   My mom hosted a beautiful woodland shower for little man Saturday that showcased all that little boys growing up in the woods will embrace.  I've fallen in love with the forest creature/woodland theme and love dreaming up what fun our son will have playing out in the country, running through our own woodland forest.  I'm sure he's going to teach me plenty about patience and overcoming fear.  I imagine we will house all sorts of "woodland friends" he finds over the years out on our farm.

"Smore" Love from Little Man

Some of the cutest cupcakes ever.  All sorts of creatures little man will have fun with growing up! 

 

So thankful for these amazing women that love my mom and our family so beautifully

So thankful for these amazing women that God has blessed me with. 2 of little man's grandmothers and great grandmother. 

Mama to be and Grandmommie to be

Can't wait to make her a grandmother in January!