My sweet little boy.. I hardly know how to imagine you at this time. I’ve felt your little kicks and rolls for weeks now; you and I are the closest we will ever be but yet you still feel so far away.
You have been a tender dream of mine for many years. Just like many little girls I used to play pretend, dreaming of a day that I would find a husband and begin a family. As I grew older I wondered what our family would look like. Would our family begin with a little girl full of giggles or a sweet eyed baby boy?
Sitting here this morning in your room, rocking back and forth in your glider imagining what this empty room will feel like in just a couple of months fills my heart with happiness. Trying to picture your tiny self in your crib, on our changing table and rocking in my arms is something that has never felt more real than now. As I rock and try to imagine what you’ll look like and feel like and sound like; you’re kicking inside of me, twisting and rolling from one side to the other.
You have already changed your dad and I in so many ways. Our hearts have grown in these last months and our anticipation of you is getting greater and greater with each passing day. I love watching your dad when he feels your kicks, watches your movements on an ultrasound and shows off your new room to friends and family. Your dad has always had my heart but this season of life has taken our bond so much further. You little boy are making us a mommy and a daddy and we thank God for you and your life every day.
We know that you are only ours for a season and I thank God that He allowed me to be the vessel to grow you and bring you into this world. I am your mommy and I promise to love you with a fierce love all the days of my life but your greatest love will not come from your daddy or I. I pray that you will find true joy and everlasting love in your Heavenly Father, that one day you will ask our Savior into your heart and He will guide you through your life. Daddy and I promise to teach you and instruct you in the way of the Lord but we cannot give you the love and peace that Christ can.
So while I sit here this morning dreaming of my baby boy and the moments we will soon share I realize that those moments though they will shape me as a woman and they will shape you as a man; I am not the provider you need past this season. I will enjoy and treasure you and our bond forever but your daddy and I’s goal is to point you to your true Father.
Until I hold you in my arms little one
May your kicks continue to strengthen
May you grow and grow
May I remain healthy for your needs
Until we look into one another’s eyes
My baby boy, my son
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