Note to my mom and all the moms out there... I'm sorry.

Note to my mom and all the moms out there….         I’m sorry.

That’s right I said it.  All those times growing up when you told me, “just wait, you’ll see, one day when you have your own kids you’ll understand.”  Well, that day came sooner rather than later.  It wasn’t long after Crewson came into this world and especially after bringing him home that I finally understood what my mom had been talking about all those years. 

Whether it was after an argument her and I had about why I couldn’t stay out or when she cried because I was just growing up too fast; now I am quickly learning why she said those things and the reasoning behind them.  Just today I was texting my mom about how I was packing Crewson’s newborn outfits away because he could no longer fit in them.  It hurt my heart to fold those precious little outfits and lay them in boxes.  How was this happening already?  I feel like it was yesterday when the doctor came in the room and said “Congratulations.”  Tomorrow I will yet again pull out my camera and take another “monthly photo” to keepsake how quickly he’s growing and changing.  Two months, how can it already be two months.  My water just broke, I just came home to blue ribbon on the door and a stork in the yard; how can he already be cooing and ahhing and needing 3-6 month clothing? 

“One day… just wait… you’ll understand.”  

Oh how those words are so close to my heart today yet sting me at the same time… because I know just as fast as the 9 months of pregnancy and these past 2 months of “newborn cuteness, up all night and when am I going to get the hang of this breastfeeding thing” phase have come and gone… I know the next months aren’t going to slow down anymore than these did.  It’s going to come quickly and leave quicker.  Before I know it he’ll be crawling and walking and then running, most likely naked holding a stick off down the front yard and yet there’s nothing I can do to change that. 

Suddenly what my mom told me, my nanny told me, what my mother in law told me, my friends with kids, my coworkers, my sisters in law… they were all right.  He’s my baby and as much as I want him to grow up to be strong and brave, I want to keep him here as a baby in my arms just a little bit longer.  I want to freeze time like Elsa and not “let it go” (sorry.. I know you’re singing it now).  I want to remember every coo and ahh and smile. I want to remember his baby smell.  I never knew a love like this before and this baby of mine.. well he’s growing up fast and I just stand by and watch him grow.  (I can hear you on the other side of this computer screen saying “I told you so”)

So.. just as quickly as I have learned what you meant all those times as I half listened and rolled my eyes, I want you to know, to all those moms out there speaking on behalf of a new first time momma… I hear you now and I’m sorry and thank you.  Thank you for loving me like I love him and trying your best to show me that I need to cherish this time before it’s too late.  I remember your words when I am rocking my baby and holding my cell phone, as I am watching the third episode of fuller house while my baby rocks in his swing and as I jump back on pinterest when my baby is smiling at me but I didn’t see it because I was distracted.  Your momma words are heavy today and they are teaching me to put away my distractions and grab hold of these few moments I have before they’re gone.  Your words may not have meant much to me when you said them but they’re catching up quick now and don’t worry, I’ll be sure to say to my kids just like you said it to me… “Just wait… you watch… one day when you have your own kids you’ll understand.”