Open & Honest

As I sit at my computer tonight, my mind is all over the place… in a good way, I guess. Here recently, I can’t get my mind to slow down. Between my “to-do” list and my “want” list it’s pretty hectic in here.

I was thinking earlier in the week, how much responsibility I have acquired in the past year. 2 years ago, I was a “single”(meaning in a serious relationship, but not married) girl whom lived at home and had zero bills, other than my gas tank. I spent money on what I wanted and had very few “duties” in life. Sitting here, now, my list seems to grow continuously and I must say I love it. Yes, it’s stressful but also fulfilling. At the top of my list, there’s one “responsibility” that will never get old or tiring and that’s being a wife to an amazing man. There’s never a day that goes by where I don’t thank God for giving me my husband. If you haven’t met him, you should and if you have, you know what I am talking about. He impresses literally everyone he knows and he will do whatever he can to help you out. I consider him a treasure in my life and I hope to be his wife for many, many, many years.

Something else that I have noticed in the last few months; is just how much I have changed as a person. I used to think getting old, or growing up would bring boredom or stress but now I’ve seen that it’s made me more of an individual. The older I get, the less I care what everyone thinks and the harder I work for what I want. I have also noticed that instead of trying to fit into a cookie cutter mold that others have made for me, I bend it every chance I get. Growing up, I was a people pleaser, and that brought nothing but trouble. Whether it was my parents, my friends or boyfriends, I wanted everyone (and I mean everyone) to be happy with me and if they weren’t it’d keep me up at night. Now, I’ve learned whose opinion is important and I realize that God is the one I need to satisfy.

As I get older, some of my interests change while others are amplified. I feel more freedom and a bit more wind under my wings to accomplish my dreams. I hope I remember these feelings, several years down the road so that I can encourage my children to follow their desires, not the desires of others. Ever since Casey and I knew we’d spend our lives together, I have tried to write down or keep track of experiences that changed me as a person, wife or (future) mother so that I can make a difference. I hope I continue to grow and change over the years; continue to weed out the wrongs and nurture the rights so I can be the best wife, daughter and mother. Really, I think that’s what we all want in life, it’s just the journey that can distract us from that dream.

Garden Success

This is my third year attempting to garden in the spring/summer. The last two years, my garden was substantially smaller and I started everything from plants. Since I live in Marshville, NC now and had a bit more room for a garden, Casey helped me create cultivate this rocky soil and I planted everything from seeds. I'd been too nervous before to plant seeds but had found that many people had better success with seeds than plants. I wasn't sure what was going to happen consider our soil and this being my first year planting seeds.It hasn't all been a success. I tried somethings that were planted too late and couldn't harvest from them. I also tried a few vegetables that were casualties of the tiller. I ate up some pepper plants and a watermelon vine with that earlier in the month. I also began to get aggravated with my tomato plants that weren't growing very quickly and decided to pull them up since we don't eat them anyways. Over the past month or so I had tweaked and replanted certain vegetables, i'd heard worked better out here in this Marshville soil.

So, as of now, I have beans, zucchini, squash, cucumbers, watermelon, corn and sunflowers which all have done wonderfully. I walked out into the garden a few nights ago just to check on things and found growing vegetables everywhere. After, doing a happy dance, I decided I would spend some time weeding and harvesting today. So, today, I harvested cucumbers and zucchini for the first time ever! I'm hoping to eat some of my success tonight for dinner! I started out as someone whom wanted to take a crack at this love/hate relationship(gardening) and over time have learned more and more about what not to do and now I can say that I have a healthy, green, flourishing garden!

One Year down.....

Broken Open

On our way home from the beach yesterday, I couldn’t help but stare out the window and think… think about the things that I should spend more time thinking about. Yesterday marked our one year wedding anniversary, that’s great! We made it a whole year without any big blow out fights and we found ourselves more in love with one another yesterday than the year before standing at the altar…but what does that mean for this coming year. Do we celebrate our marriage one day a year? Aren’t we supposed to work at this every day?

My goal last year as we said our vows was to be the best wife I could be that year. I wanted to learn from those around me. I wanted to learn how to be the woman that my husband needed me to be. I wanted to make a home that he would cherish. I wanted to create a sanctuary for us to come home to every night. Did I reach my goal? Sort of… I am definitely not the best wife, I make plenty of mistakes on a daily basis and I most certainly have not created the “cleanest” sanctuary in this house, but I feel that I have spent a lot of time this past year growing… as a person and as a wife.

A piece of scripture that has continually resurfaced in my mind as I have gone through this past year is Proverbs 27:15-16.

“A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping

of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;

restraining her is like restraining the wind

or grasping oil with the hand.”

Am I a quarrelsome wife? Have I ever been? Oh yes… too many times. Why do I let myself get to that point? Why do we let society influence our choices and decisions as wives? Do I really want to follow Kim Kardashion as a mentor on how to be the best wife? It’s so easy to get caught up in the news and gossip and before you know it that is how you are making your decisions or how you come up with your excuses. I started thinking, how did I come up with my husband’s expectations or the standards that I hold him to? It’s pretty insightful, when you stop and look at the way you’re thinking about things.

So, what are my goals for this year? I want to involve God in every aspect of our life. I want to create a sanctuary at home and a home at our church. I want to build up my husband every day and make sure that I do everything to keep from tearing him down. I want to grow as a Christian woman which in turn will help me grow as a Christian wife. I want to surround us with “elevating” people. I want to keep negative people from distracting me and my goals. I want to reflect on this coming year, next year this time and say, “Man, what an amazing transformation we’ve come through” and I want to give all the glory to God!

Last year was all about me; how I was as a wife; how I was doing as a newly married woman in a new home and new career. This year, it’s all about God in our marriage and how we can flourish because of that.

363*

Vows may be spoken once but they’re kept forever. . . .

Casey, from the first time we met, I knew it wasn’t by chance. It was as if I could look into your eyes and see my future. Over the past three years you have taught me how to love someone by loving me. You make me feel safe and courageous. You allow me to be myself but encourage me to do my best. When the world is crashing around me, you give me the strength to conquer my dreams. And you make me feel as if I am the only woman on earth when you hold me in your arms. So today, I become your wife and from this moment forward I promise to love you the way you love me and to work as one to build a life together we will cherish for the rest of our lives.

The night before our wedding I wrote these vows. The next day I would make a promise to Casey in front of God, our family and our friends. This weekend we celebrate our first year of marriage. People told us that it would be the hardest one. I don’t believe that for a second. People also told us that it would fly by. That has been proven. I find myself thanking God on a daily basis for this beautiful life I have been given with such an amazing man. I couldn’t have been blessed with a better husband or best friend to share life with. I think that it’s important to look back on our vows this weekend and remember that day.

Weekend at the Beach

Two weeks ago, Casey and I headed down to Myrtle Beach, SC with two of our best friends for a weekend getaway. We couldn't have asked for better weather and a nicer way to relax for a few days. Our only problem was a itchy case of sunburn!

We left home around 6 pm on Friday night and

drove down to the condo. We spent the evening getting settled into our new home for the weekend and went to bed pretty early. Saturday we spent the majority of the morning out on the beach, slowly roasting(not to our acknowledgement) and then cleaned up for some "putt-putt" and an evening on the Myrtle Strip. Down on the strip we went to dinner at Jimmy Buffet's new restaurant, "Land Shark" and went for a sunset ride on the brand new "Sky Wheel" which is now the largest ferris wheel on the east coast that tops out 20 stories in the air. It was my very first ride on a ferris wheel and it sure made for a beautiful first. The new wheel was covered in LED lights that began to light up right before sunset; just when we were getting on to ride!

Sunday we spent some quality shopping time at the Tanger Outlets, stocked up on some new clothes and headed home to begin our new work week. It was a short weekend trip but a great one at that. I'm hoping we get to make another trip down very soon!

Everyone needs a little lift...

Over the past few weeks, whether, it be in a church sermon, on the radio or in the current book I am reading; I have come across this scripture repeatedly. I saw it for the first time last month and it has had an affect on me every since. I thought it might make someone's day a little easier or give someone a new perspective.

"Therefore it if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent of one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped... He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him(Philippians 2:1-6; 8-9).

Sweet Southern Summertime

I absolutely love this time of year. Granted, this week has been extremely hot with very little rain which has not set well with my garden, but I still love the feeling of a hot sun. The only bad thing about this time of year is that while I spend very little time indoors, when I do, I want to create project after project. I literally, come up with my yearly to-do list in the months of May and June. I'm not sure what it is but I seem to be more interested in working around the house, indoors and outdoors while also more motivated to create new decor in our home.

I recently found a website/blog that I have fallen in love with and this stay at home/yet working mom has inspired me in so many ways.

http://jonesdesigncompany.com/

So... my next 2 projects are our laundry closet and kitchen nook....

331

As we approach our one year anniversary, I have been looking back on this first year and determining my big lessons learned. Something that I remember talking with Casey about repeatedly, was having a 50-50 marriage. I wanted a partnership; a marriage where everything was split down the middle. Whether it be yard work, house work, cooking, laundry, errands; the list goes on and on. However, as our marriage got rolling, I began tweeking little things. I started to feel bad that my husband was working 14 hour days, Tuesday through Saturday in the fall, spring and summer while I worked three/12 hour shifts all week. So, I picked up extra on house work, laundry and cooking. I also felt bad for wanting Casey to go 50-50 when he was working the most and paying literally, all of our bills. I have a great job that I love and I do work 36 hours a week; however, the paycheck I bring home can only handle my gas and our groceries. So, over the past year I thought I had figured out how our marriage would work. When Casey was busy with work, I would pick up extra in all the areas I could; while when I was busier at work and he had time off in the winter, he would do the same for me. Little did I know, my philosophy was totally wrong.

Recently, our church began a series called Mr. & Mrs. Betterhalf. Immediately, Casey and I were estatic because we've been craving any type of relationship/marriage advice during this first year. We had so much support and assistance leading up to the wedding that we didn't know what to do when suddenly we "are" married and now have to tackle these issues for real. Throughout this series at church, we've gotten a lot of insight on how a relationship works and how a proper, Christian marriage is managed. During week 2 of our series, the Pastor's wife was talking about the relationship between husband and wife and the relationship between a Christian and God. She spoke about how in Christian marriages, we are required to give 100 percent all the time. It's not a 50-50 game. You can't give 50 one day and then expect your husband to pick up the other 50. As a Christian wife, I am required to be 100 percent in my marriage and in my relationship with Casey all the time. Whether it's been a busy week at work, or I am just a little lazy one day; I am suppose to give him 100 perecent, just as God intended for Christian marriages. At first, this was a little overwhelming. Do I have the energy to give 100 percent? What if he doesn't give 100 percent? Sounds like a lot of work all the time and I may not get 100 percent from him all the time.

Shortly after Holly Furtick spoke about giving 100 percent instead of 50-50; she talked about how in our relationships we try to gage whether or not someone else is doing what's right and wrong. You know exactly what I am talking about. The coworker who slacks off constantly and still gets paid the same amount; the family member whom only calls when they need something or the spouse whom would rather spend 2 hours infront of the television instead of spending that time with their children. We always find ways or reasons to decide when everyone else is making mistakes and rarely look at ourselves. Holly's way of putting it: "You be Jesus, Let God be God." We're not in control and we were not given the job to gage other's rights and wrongs. We're just asked to give 100 percent in our own lives and not to worry about everyone else. What makes you think that while God is working in you, he won't work in your spouse?

So, one of the biggest lessons I have learned over the past eleven months is that even though I thought 50-50 was the best way for us to run our marriage, it's much better for both of us to commit to 100 percent. Of course, we'll have times of trial and situations where it will be harder than others, but I would much rather say at the end of the day that I gave it my all, 100 percent all the time.

Spring Fever March 31st

Spring Fever

April is my favorite month of the year; especially when Easter comes late. To me, Easter is like Christmas; you celebrate Jesus Christ with family and friends and enjoy one another’s company but without all the gifts! I also love all the spring color and all of nature’s blooms. Although, I must admit I am not a fan of pollen. April brings spring which brings riding in the car with the window down, fresh picked flowers, fresh cut grass and pulling all of my bright dresses out of storage. It’s time to get a new pedicure with some colorful polish and to bring out the funky jewelry again. I personally love going to Church Easter Sunday and seeing all the beautiful little girls in their Easter dresses.

I am also OCD which means Spring Cleaning! This is the time of the year where I literally tear the house apart and clean from top to bottom and in to out. I move the couch and all the rugs. I also clean out the closets and the cabinets. Spring cleaning also allows time to change out dreary fall colored fabric, towels, décor and replace it with bright, cheerful, crisp colors. A dear family friend of ours just bought us a white, pottery style cake stand and I cannot wait to see what this piece will bring in our kitchen. We keep our “wedding cake” stand on our table year round so I am thinking this stand will hold desserts! I have some Pineapple/Pina Colada cupcakes in the cabinet I have been dying to make!?!

The one thing that April brings that I am not fond of is bathing suits! This year I bought 1new bathing suit instead of 5 and I bought a style that I don’t normally wear. Casey and I saw it in Aeropostale and it’s a beautiful dark blue/purple hue that fell in love with. However, by no means am I in bathing suit wearing shape so this was my one purchase to get me going. We’ll see how this plan works out. Even last year when we were getting married, I didn’t work very hard to drop weight, so I will be excited to see if I can get my body where I want it.

Lastly, April 22^nd brings my birthday. Growing up our birthdays were BIG. We didn’t spend a lot of money but we spent a lot of time planning and thinking up what we wanted to do to celebrate. Up until last year, I kept that tradition. I guess after 21, the number just puts a downer on everything. Yet I must admit, working in the job that I do, birthdays are always good things! It’s when the birthdays stop that you have a problem. So… even though I am not excited about turning 23 I will remember that I could “not” be celebrating. To me, the best thing about birthdays is the cake which will be hard to top from previous years. Two years ago, my best friend made my cake and it was a 2 tier pink birthday cake which was phenomenal! I loved having something so personal and meaningful. We’ll see what this year holds… it is my first birthday as a “wife”!!!

Bailey

Missing a good friend. . .

Almost one month ago we had to say goodbye to our puppy Bailey. It was one of the hardest things we’ve had to do. Her passing was sudden and unexpected. She was a 9 month old blue Great Dane that we had brought home this past August. She was just coming out of her puppy stage and really starting to show her true personality. We had noticed that she suffered from seizures for a few months but they were short and rare. However, the weekend that she passed she had suffered several back to back and began one on Sunday that only a Valium injection at the vet’s office would stop. She stayed at Brown Creek Animal Hospital for two days when we made the unfortunate phone call to confirm that it was necessary we come in and put her down. Fortunately we were able to visit with her for a bit before the procedure.

It took a few days to really get over the loss and not get upset every time we passed her empty pin. Our biggest struggle was the reality that she was a dog and we both felt a little dumb for getting so upset. We questioned the truth to our feelings and whether or not we were making something out of nothing. Everyone was really supportive and had nothing but encouraging things to say, yet we still felt a little weird mourning our dog.

What is it about our pets that create this bond? We were with Bailey a short 6 months and yet we cried over her as if she were our family. After thinking about this over the past two weeks I imagine it deals with the consistency of a pet’s love. Relationships between people are determined by the exchange of love and care for one another and with our pets that exchange is a bit more constant. Once you build a foundation with your pet there is an unspoken understanding. Your pet isn’t going to get mad over the house cleaning or the money that you brought in that week. Your feelings toward one another aren’t going to change depending on the season in life. You can always pull up the drive and expect them to come running to greet you and love on you and they’ll always be there for you to love on too. When you get down to it, I believe that’s why there is a true relationship between owner and pet. That’s why we had such a hard time letting go and moving on because we had built that bond with Bailey just like people spend time building bonds with one another.

We miss her personality and also her size. Being a Great Dane she was so much fun to watch grow and run around our house. We plan on getting another Great Dane within the next year and would love another blue female. Great Dane’s are huge but are the biggest love bugs out there. <3

Bailey Smith

May 16, 2010 – March 1, 2011

Spontaneous Getaway

Weekend getaway to Edisto Island

A week ago my mother in law informed us that her friend had a home at Edisto Island, SC that was open this past weekend and she didn’t know if we were interested. So Casey and I jumped on the opportunity to get away for a few days. We made our arrangements and headed out late Friday night. We arrived at our home around 1am and went straight to bed.

Edisto Island, SC is known for family and relaxed living. Life moves slower down there and I loved that fact. We slept in and then got up and made our way to a cute breakfast restaurant called the Seacow. We enjoyed some delicious breakfast and then decided to make our way to a local reptile museum. Along the way we decided to turn onto this road that had a wildlife sign. As we drove down this side road we saw beautiful live Oak trees whose limbs intertwined with one another along the road. At the end of the road was an entryway to a 5,000 acre wildlife preservation which became state owned four years ago. Before that time a local family had owned and operated this plantation as a cotton farm. We continued to drive through the plantation and enjoy the older homes and structures. At one point the plantation opened to a beach walk where visitors can walk a half mile to the beach filled with conch shells. It was certainly one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. It’s so wonderful to know people are working to keep nature safe in a world that is continuing to build higher and bigger.

After leaving the plantation we headed back to the beach and ate lunch a great golf course on the island. Then we spent some time at home relaxing on the couch and watching movies. We later walked down to the beach and ate fish&chips at a local favorite. We wrapped up the evening curled up on the couch watching television and looking through old magazines. It was a perfect, relaxing Saturday night.

Sunday we woke up and headed to Kiawah Island and Seabrook. We were a little disappointed because both islands are now private and you cannot visit them unless you are staying but there is a great shopping center where visitors can walk through antique/décor/pottery shops and enjoy a great lunch at King Street Grill. Around 3 pm we started our way home feeling more relaxed and ready for another busy work week.

When Casey and I were first married we made a deal that we would take a trip whether that be a five star vacation or a weekend an hour away every three months. One of my goals as a new wife is to make sure that my husband and I make time to spend together every once and awhile so that we can continue our busy lives at home but still embrace the incredible relationship we share. Thank you so much to Ginger to allowing us to take over her beach house this weekend and share a new beach together!

Friday February 4

Struggles...

Everyone has things in life that they need to work on. No one is perfect. One of my biggest struggles for the past few years has been prayer. I don’t know how it all came about but it’s continued to grow as time goes by. When I was a freshman in college I started an all girl’s support group/small group at Wingate University where we met once a week to pour our hearts to one another and read scripture or watch sermons. We also supported local charities and non-profit organizations out of our own pockets or through fundraisers. You’d think prayer would be pretty easy for a leader of a small group. When Casey and I met it continued to be something that was hard for me. Over the four years that we’ve been together I have never prayer in front of him. It’s like every time we sit down to dinner or pray at our groups my tongue sinks into the back of my mouth and my hands shake. Even in social settings where I was asked to pray or was part of a group prayer, I would keep things short and sweet and “hate” every minute of it. I feel as if the words that leave my mouth won’t carry enough impact or I will stumble and forget where I was going with my prayer.

This week I have made a promise to myself and to God that I will take time away from my “hobbies” aka facebook/twitter and spend that time reading scripture, listening to worship music and talking with God. I know that in order to be the wife, mother and woman that I want to be I need to conquer this fear and begin practicing prayer. I want to feel closer to God and be able to be a part of Casey and I’s prayer life in marriage. So today marks my first day on this quest that will last until next Friday. So far, things have been ok. This afternoon I found myself wanting to check facebook/twitter on my cell phone and knew that I wasn’t going to give in that easily. Tonight I am going to spend a lot of time in my bedroom reading and listening to God talk. I crave the relationship I had with God when I was in college. I had total trust and faith in Him and in my future as a Christian. I know that I am not far from where I want to be but there are some fundamental changes that need to be made in the process. Here’s to learning how to pray and tackling the discomfort of speaking out loud to my Lord and Savior.

A whole new Year in a whole new Life

219*

Some days I wake up and feel like I am in someone else's life. It's as if I left my life back in 2009 and have found a completely new one in 2011. So much has changed between then and now that I get confused with my own thoughts and desires.

It's been a long time since I have blogged. I guess I could blame it on crazy work days, holidays or having a busy schedule but the truth would be that I simply haven't sat down to a computer with an open heart or open mind to write. I have also failed numerous times to draw or paint. I miss having hours set aside in high school to pour out my feelings and thoughts onto paper. I miss the serenity of an ipod and blank sheet of paper.

I heard a quote today that I can't shake from my mind. "Follow your dreams or you'll work someone who did." I have always felt that working a job you hate isn't worth working. I know people have to work to keep the bills paid or food on the table. I know there are people out there that would give anything to have a 9 to 5 job that would allow them to fulfill their simplest needs. I just grew up watching various family members and friends work jobs that literally affected their health and personal life. I think this is why I have had some troubles nailing down a career path. I decided in my first semester of college that I would follow my dreams and major in sports management. What could be better? Working with professional football players and managing a team with a group of sports fanatics. Then, that same year I decided to change to elementary education because that seemed like a better choice for my family one day. Now, four years later I have decided on nursing because I can work great hours three days a week and make pretty decent money. This quote just shook me because I am not sure if I am following my true dreams or if I am deciding on a career that will allow me flexibility in my finances and schedule. What if everyone did the job/career that they had wanted when they were a child? To tell you the truth if I didn't let money or time limit me I would probably choose to open a bridal shop and sell wedding dresses while running a small art shop on the side. I have always loved the creativity and fairytale that comes with a wedding dress and I am all for personal artistic expression. So what's keeping me from making these dreams come true? I mean there are people all over the place that "did" follow their dreams and start their own business or go out on a limb and open their store. My own husband has been running his business since he was 16 years old. His side job in high school became his life long business and he loves it. What's keeping me from doing something I may love?