Walking through the Woods

This evening I walked through the woods around our house.  While I was walking I turned my youversion app on to listen to the book Mark in the Bible.(Isn’t it amazing that we can listen to the bible any time we want)  As I was walking, listening to the scriptures I was overwhelmed in the moment.  Life can be so crazy at times and it can sometimes feel as if we were walking through a forest.  Just like my walk today, I would move around trees and step over thorny vines trying to keep my balance and focus on what was in front me all at the same time.  It would seem as if this coordination would be stressful, yet for some reason it’s actually extremely relaxing.  At the same time that I am focusing on where and how I move through the woods, I’m not worried about all the stresses of everyday life that will return when I head home.  The older I get, the more this reality sets in.  We’re not guaranteed tomorrow and we’re not going to have perfect days every day.  There are going to be mornings with headaches and afternoons spent chasing our deadlines followed by evenings of worry and regret that we may not have captured the day like we had planned.  I use to live every day as if it were a fairy tale.  Really, that was my expectation.  If there was something wrong, it would end in a happily ever after and if I needed a super hero, he’d come to the rescue.  It took getting into some real situations and getting around real people to knock me off my pedestal and make me realize that happiness isn’t found in fairy tales; it’s found in life.  Real life isn’t always going to be perfect; if it were, it wouldn’t be life.  But with that reality, comes true happiness and contentment found in real situations.  I may not always have breakfast ready for my husband before his feet hit the floor, but my husband knows that my heart yearns to please him continuously in so many ways.  He may not come home to a clean house everyday but he will come home to a wife that’s happy to have him home and content to sit on the couch and watch TV together.  When I look back on the last 20 or so years, my happiest moments weren’t found in the “tailored situations”(situations controlled and manipulated to be perfect).  My happiest moments were when I achieved goals after working really hard to get there or looking into my groom’s eyes and saying yes after the two of us spent years working on our relationship, figuring out if we were willing to commit the rest of our lives to one another.  There will never be a time when the hard times stop.  The work will always commence and the stresses will always rise but it’s in those moments that’s when we’re suppose to close our eyes and bow our heads and pray.  Just like my walk in the woods.  With the hard moments there will be moments of peace.  Peace that only our Savior can give us.  He can place His mighty hand on your heart and his presence in your soul and make the stress fade away even if only for a moment.  So as we move through life, trying to step in the right direction and steer away from temptations, we can know that at the same time God is willing to give us peace and carry the worries for awhile.  

Mold me Lord

Recently, I shared my experience of when I tested for nursing classes and the "God moment" I had right there in the testing center.  Since then I have signed up for some intense science classes to line me up for nursing school in the fall.  One of those classes started last week.  Anatomy & Physiology 1 online and in 8 weeks.  I must admit, not the easiest way to "go back to school."  It has been a complete life shift with schoolwork around the clock, work at a minimum and literally, blocking myself into our home office for majority of the day.  I take "breaks" to clean house, fold laundry and unload the dish washer.  Most days, I don't step outside until 4 pm because I have been working on assignments and taking quizzes up to that point.  

There have been several times over the past week when I become so stressed with deadlines and upcoming schedules that all I can do is cry.  My shoulders tense up when I think about all the assignments due at the end of the week and the fact that I am actually suppose to "learn" and "remember" all of this material in 8 weeks.  It's in those hard moments that I start to doubt myself and my ability to go back to school.  When the stress gets the best of me and I start to focus on the possibility of failure, I want to quit.  I let my insecurities get the best of me and start plotting my way out.  

Earlier this evening I was working on a timed exam that I had studied so hard for, yet found myself struggling through, when this failure fear came back to me in a full fledged panic attack.  There I was with a clock ticking away and the stress starting to build.  I was running out of time, searching for answers and could hardly focus on the test at that point, because my mind was racing through the "F" that I was going to get.  Suddenly, in the midst of my panic this flood of calmness and calling came over me.  I was taken back to that testing room where I had given everything over to God.  I had told Him to handle it.  It was in His hands, what I did with my future and I just wanted to do what He wanted me to do.  The conviction of how trusting I had been then and the realization of how un-trusting I was in this moment made me realize how circumstantial my faith in God can be.  A few months ago I had this amazing, life changing moment with God where I knew without a doubt He was instructing me to go to school and pursue a nursing career.  Now, I couldn't make it through a trying test without questioning everything I am working toward.  It was tonight during that test that I asked myself, "Doesn't God want me here?"  Yes, He does.  He instructed me down this path months ago and now because it's time to work, I am going to give up?  I asked for an answer then and he answered me.  I told Him I would do whatever He instructed me to do and now it's time to follow through.  When I put everything in that perspective; that God had placed me in this moment for a reason and that He wanted me here; everything seemed less stressful and more purposeful.  

I ended the test with a much better grade than I had anticipated and continued to perform better and better with each test I took afterwards.  I wish I didn't allow my emotions to get the best of me.  I wish I could be more stable in my walk with God.  I want to remember that He is right here.  He is with me every step of the way and He DID put me here.  When I focus on His Will instead of my abilities, every trial seems less trivial and more like a training session.  There are always going to be trials but they can be overcome.  I love how Pastor Jentzen Franklin put it this past Tuesday, "Sometimes you just have to go through your go through."  That's exactly right.  When I think about it, I don't even want my walk to be an easy one.  I want to get to the end, turn around and be proud of the work I did.  I want to feel accomplished when I look back on this moment in life.  It's not suppose to be easy and it won't always be but it is suppose to be a process not a project.  It's going to take time but it's going to be worth it.  

So the next time I feel the stress sinking into my neck, I am going to stop and talk to God.  I am going to remind myself that He is right here, He put me here and He is walking with me every step of the way.  Whether it's an easy A or a trying C, God is holding my hand and instructing me in my every move.  Here's to a more purposeful, God guided semester.  

Thank you Lord for your provision and your instruction.  

Remembering my leading lady....

It was a little over four years ago that my maternal grandmother went to be with the Lord.  She had been sick for several months and even though we felt it was too soon for her to leave us, at the same time, we knew it was perfect timing for her.  My grandmother, or "nanny" as I called her was my leading lady in life.  She was always the sunshine in my day and was one of the strongest women I know.  She had her priorities lined up perfectly.  God, family, friends and service.  She loved the Lord with everything she had and that was evident in her life.  I remember sitting in her funeral service listening to all the committees she was apart of, the movements she had started and all the people that she had lifted up in her life.  She gave her love and time to her local church and served like a God fearing woman strives for.  She was a devoted wife and loved her four children and many, many grand children.  When we were younger, it was all about Sunday dinners.  Almost every Sunday night we'd meet at nanny and papa's house for a big dinner.  Once a week, I would get to see my aunts, uncles and cousins.  We'd eat and hang out for hours each Sunday which meant more to me than I knew at the time.  To make it a point to take time out of each week and spend it with family like that, was something rare and I wish I had more of now.  When I think about it, it's like a hazy, old movie reel in my mind full of comfort food smells and bursts of laughter.  Oh, how I miss those days.  I give all the credit to my nanny.  She was the driving force in our family and it was always because of her that we came to the round table to thank God and enjoy moments with family.
Today is her birthday and today she would have been 82.  It's been four years and I can still see her smiling face in my mind.  Simply put, there is nothing like a grand parent and we need to remember this as our grand parents age and move on in life.  I consider it a blessing to have known my grandmother and an honor to call her my "nanny".  Here's to a great woman of God, a respectful wife, devoted mom and loving grandmother.  

Handmade Sunset

I love car rides!  It could be a 10 minute ride to the hardware store or a 3 hour ride to the beach; it doesn't matter to me.  My husband would contest that I love car rides because of the quality time I get with the back of my eyelids; however, the real reason I love car rides is the chance to sit back and enjoy the sights.(When I am awake!)  To me; it's peaceful to look out over a crop field and watch rows and rows of beans pass by.  I think it has to do with the uniformity and structure of the lines.  Each seed was placed with such care and certainty of where it needs to be in order to grow properly.  

I was blessed to take in such beauty this afternoon on our way to Florence, SC.  It took us about 2 hours to travel through Cheraw on our way  and then another 2 hours back through McBee.  It was just before McBee, that I started to notice the colors in the sky.  The sun had been setting for several minutes now, the sky had gone from blue to yellow and was now this crisp white that was fading into the wood line.  I couldn't help but stare as I tried to drive through town.  When I see a sight like that, all I can think is how close God is.  He's right there.  He's close enough to hear my whispers yet some times I treat Him as if he's too far away to care.  On a regular day when we're simply traveling the roads; He has made His Presence known to us by giving us a sunset that only He could create.  In those quiet, short moments of a sunset, I remember how blessed we are and how thankful I am to be in this moment right now with God right here.  God is always here with us, through the good and the bad, when we feel Him here and when we don't.  If we could just take our eyes off of the ground and lift them to the Heavens, we might get a glimpse of the beauty that He has created for us for this moment.  

Frosty January Friday

Psalm 90:14
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.


This morning I woke to let Eva out and couldn't resist grabbing my camera and heading out for a brisk walk.  Last night's fog had left a thick frost that was now glistening in the morning sun.  Our house sits on a hill surrounded by woods and there are few things I love more than a walk down our driveway in the morning; down to the water's edge and around to the crop fields.  It was as if this particular morning Winter was making his announcement, "Yes I am here."  The birds were busy gathering seeds as they filled the trees with their chirps and cheeps.  I saw a wide array of robins, cardinals and blue jays.  A cluster of doves thought it would be fun to tempt Eva as they jumped around her in the field while she tried to determine exactly how to play with something so tiny.  
Eva and I walked down the driveway and around to the dock where the steam coming off the water was magnificent.  The chilly water had become warmer than the frosty air and was giving off a thick, dense steam that was floating off of the water's top and into the air like smoke.  There was a layer of frost on the dock and as I walked out to the edge, it creaked and cracked with every step.  As I bent down to capture the steam I could hear our crane's squawk as he flew across the water.  Laying there on the dock, looking out over the water; life seemed simple.  A beautiful, crisp Friday morning with little on my mind but the chirp of the birds and the "smoke on the water"  rising into the Heavens.  Oh, how I wish every morning could be captured in such beauty.  I believe the time it takes the sun to rise is a particularly special part of day.  It's as if God is whispering "wake up my sons and daughters, come and enjoy what I have made for you this morning and witness the beauty I have brought into your life today."  If only we could pull away from the distractions this world demands and take time to join God on a walk in the morning; whether it be a walk through nature or a walk through scripture; He will speak and all we have to do is listen.  
Good Morning Lord.  Thank you for such a beautiful wake up call.