Planning doesn't make Perfect

   I struggle because I am a planner.  I am an A type personality with a need for perfection.  I love calendars, organizational charts and countless "to do" lists.  I have plans for today, this week, next month, one year from now, five years from now and so on and so forth.  The problem isn't that I plan, per say, but that I plan with little to no room for change.  I realize that this is not how it works and that in cases like mine, plans hardly ever work out according to plan!
    I am currently reading Confessions of a raging perfectionist, written by Amanda Jenkins.  Her work is amazing but making my way through her book has been a mixture of torture and therapy.  Just like Amanda, I know where my heart is suppose to be and that with faith I am to trust in the Father and His plans for my life but sometimes it's hard not to get upset when plans go haywire.  Amanda's words hit really close to home in this excerpt, "I have come to realize I'm not a planner; I'm a hoper.  I hoped I'd be married at twenty-six; hoped I'd live in New York City; I hoped I'd work as a screenwriter; I hoped I'd have my first child at twenty-eight.  I can't say I had a well-thought-out plan for any of these things-- I sort of aspired to them.  Some of them have happened; some have not.  But whether I refer to the stuff I want to happen in my life as plans, hopes, dreams or whatever, at some point or another, plans fail, hopes defer and dreams die.  So then what? I'm face to face with God, my brow furrowed, saying, "What were you thinking?"  And then I realize the real question is, What was I thinking?  Thank God I didn't marry that guy at twenty-six, and thank God I had no children at twenty-eight, and the list goes on."
    Whew!  Amanda's words remind me that as I plan for the future and hope for what I would like to see happen, it's not guaranteed and just as I look forward at what may be, I need to look back at what could have been and luckily, didn't!   I get so wrapped up in the moment and the right now that I forget to look past what's right in front of me and my current plans and desires.  I forget to thank God for allowing me to make mistakes but picking me back up and loving me through the process.  I need to remember the plans I had in my past that didn't go according to plan; that because of God's Greatness, He didn't give me control over everything.
    I pray that as I continue through life and plan for tomorrow; I remember my Heavenly Father and His promises for life and plans to prosper.  He has a life for me that I cannot fathom and one day as I stand in front of Him, I don't want to apologize for fighting against Him but rejoice for following Him.