Valentine's Dinner for 2

   I've always wanted to cook, like really cook.  I want my husband and kids to speak of the amazing, home cooked meals they were fed around our kitchen table.  Unfortunately for the past several years I have hardly cooked.  I don't count microwave and freezer meals as "home cooked" deliciousness.  I'm talking about meals that bring comfort and memories to mind.  I can still smell my grandmothers beef tips and I regularly reminisce of Sunday dinners at her home.  Our entire family crowded around two small tables filled with food.  All the fixin's and I remember laughter and warmth.  I remember us all waddling to the couches with our bellies full.  

   I want my family to remember days like that once we're old and gray. So this year one of my "resolutions" is to compile a short list of meals that make my husband proud.  There have been plenty of misses but recently I completed a pasta dish that I am quite proud of.  It's not a dish for your waist line but when you're craving warm, garlic(y) carbs this one hits the spot and it's a perfect dish for Valentine's day at home! 

Quick & Simple Spaghetti Carbonara   

Ingredients 

8 oz spaghetti

2 large eggs

1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan

4 slices bacon, diced 

4 cloves garlic, minced

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons chopped fresh Parsley leaves

Directions

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta according to package instructions; reserve 1/2 cup of pasta water and drain well. 

2. In a small bowl, whisk together eggs and Parmesan; set aside. 

3. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat.  Add bacon and cook until brown and crispy (be careful not to burn); reserve some excess fat.

4. Stir in garlic until fragrant, about 1 minute.  Reduce heat to low.

5. Working quickly, stir in pasta and egg mixture, and gently toss to combine; season with salt and pepper, to taste.  Add reserved pasta water, one tablespoon at a time, until desired consistency is reached.

6.  Serve immediately, garnished with parsley and extra Parmesan if desired. 

Favorite Hideaway

   One of my favorite spots in our house is at this tiny desk by a window in our bedroom.  It's actually not a desk at all but an old sewing machine we moved in our bedroom after our home office became our nursery.  This small space has recently become where I escape and sit to read my bible every day.  Up until this past November I always struggled to read past Genesis once starting my yearly Bible reading plan.  Reading my bible has always been hard for me and it's my biggest goal in the new year.  

   Having this tiny spot to sit during the quiet of nap time and focus without distraction has helped my consistency.  It's nothing fancy or Pinterest(y) but it is a quiet space with a swivel chair and window with a view.  Theres not much room for more than a bible, a journal and pen and a drink but it's a perfect spot for me to enjoy our backyard view while reading the scriptures and my bible study.  

   I consider this spot where I put on my armor each day.  It's where I sit and read, pray and sometimes cry.  It's where I listen for quiet whispers from God and where I praise Him in the storms and the triumphs.  I can tell such a difference when I sit for even 5 minutes and get in the scriptures before starting my day.  I feel better equipped to handle the stresses and pressures of the world around me once I have first paused to listen.  

   Do you have place that you put on your armor?  Maybe it's while you stand at the bathroom mirror getting ready for the work day.  Maybe you listen to sermons in your car.  Maybe you rise while it's still dark and read scriptures while pouring your cup of coffee.  Wherever and however you prepare for your day I encourage you to find your spot, your tiny place, whether you sit or stand, listen or read.  I pray you have a small space where you can exchange whispers with God before your day lets the world in. 

You won't always be little ...

   One of my biggest battles since becoming a mom has been fighting the urge to wish days away.  When it's been a long night with little sleep... when Crew wakes fussy and throws a tantrum... when I am worn down and burnt out I catch myself wishing for bedtime and for days when he's just a bit older.  
   It's ok for me to have those thoughts but it's not ok for me to let those wishes steer my day.  One of my biggest fears with motherhood is that I wish away these moments and wake up in the future too quickly.  I can't keep him little any more than I can control his attitude on some days but I can control my perspective and my fight for one more story and five more minutes of play.  There's a saying "Little boys should never be sent to bed they always wake up a day older" and recently I have felt this with Crew.  I feel like every morning he has a new tooth or he's that much closer to walking or he's less interested in cuddles and more interested in playing without his momma.  
   Some days I lose this battle but other days I put the phone down, turn the television off, put makeup aside and we enjoy our day in pajamas surrounded by tractors, trucks and blocks.  I don't usually feel productive on these days but I know my son feels loved and I feel the love between us.  Some days are filled with errands and to dos and laundry but on days like today I get it right more than wrong and I rest in knowing that these moments are fading away faster and faster everyday. 
   So today I didn't do dishes, I didn't get laundry folded and I lived in sweats, hair in a bun and no makeup.  The house isn't clean and dinner was leftover Chinese food.  Today Crew and I enjoyed play time, story time and this North Carolina weather.  We rode the four wheeler and went fishing.  We watched the sunset and rode through the fields.  
   I remember how I used to dream of days like today and I don't want to wish them away now that they're here.  

To My Son.. You're First Year

   As I sit here watching you sleep it's hard to grasp that you've been with us for a whole year now.  Those first few months were so long but the ones following went by all too quickly.  I remember the days that your dad and I used to speak of our family and when we would have children.  I remember the planning and preparing that took place before those two lines appeared.  I remember the excitement, the fear and the hope.  Prayers that were spoken late in the night when I couldn't sleep.  Before you were even born I knew I would have to lean on the Lord more than I ever had when I became your mom. 

   Your birth was a miracle and I felt God in that room with your dad and I.  We would listen to your heart beat slow and even stop between contractions and everything I had done prior to your birth meant nothing to me at that time.  I needed you in my arms and I knew I wasn't in control of anything in that moment.  The awe and overwhelming amazement that I felt when you looked up at me I pray that I never forget.  Those first nights were terrifying but again showed me that I could only do what I could do and that meant loving you with everything I had and leaving the rest to Him.   

   Your dad and I were not prepared for the restless nights and stress that you put on our marriage.  We argued and fought, we were tired and I was lonely.  As the rest of the world went back to normal, you and I were home together to figure this thing out.  I found a new level of grace and mercy and as I realized my weaknesses I also found a new strength.  It was the most selfless I have ever been and I gave my body, physically and mentally to you and your care.  

   After a few months we found our rhythm and your dad and I discovered our new home life.  I found my niche as a stay at home mom and we fell in love with our tiny family.  We took you on trips that you won't remember but we sure did love showing you off.  We laughed and cried through all your first holidays and loved watching you discover the world around you.  You pushed us to be better people; to wake up every morning wanting to be the best because we wanted to give you everything.  

   You are everything I prayed for and you have shown me a new meaning to life.  You've shown me areas of myself that I am so proud of and at the same time, you've shown me where I have to let God in.  As I look back on your first year I rejoice in all that you have been and have yet to become.  I want to teach you, guide you, push you and prepare you.  I want to be your protector and provider.  I want to love you better than anyone ever can but I know that my limits are laid out ahead of me.  I can't be everything for you.  I promise to love you with every part of myself but as I promise that to you I also owe you an apology.  I will fail you and I will make mistakes.  I am your mother and although I want the best for you I cannot give you that.  I will do my best but part of my best is pointing you to Christ.  

   So as I rejoice in your first year and prepare for your second I am already learning that part of this parenting gig is letting go.  I will fight hard for you and I will always be in your corner but you are coming up in a broken world and you will see more sadness and hatred than ever before.  We are a broken people and we are falling short daily.  So the best thing that I can do for you is show you Christ and His love for you.  He is your everything and He loves you more than I could ever dream.  

   This is my prayer for you my son.  I pray that your dad and I always point you to Jesus.  I pray that you learn of His love early in your days and that you have a steady, certain faith.  I pray that God surrounds you with people and resources to bring you up in your beliefs.  I pray that at an appointed time you will accept Him into your heart and live your life for Him for your own reasons and not for mine.  I pray that you chase after Him with your entire being and that you have a fire lit in your soul.  I pray that you love Him, serve Him and know Him.  

Amen.

Just Being Me

   I'm a lover of new beginnings. When I was younger I always loved the first day of school and especially getting a new agenda.  I'd grab my colored pens and stickers and go to town planning out my new year.  I still love doing this.  I love highlighting birthdays and holidays throughout the year, planning vacations and date nights.  I love making lists, especially resolutions, setting goals for the new month.  I struggle, though in the follow through.  I spend all this time planning and prepping for what's to come but then when it gets here I usually haven't followed through on my plans.   So this year I decided to do something a little different.  I still wanted to make my list of goals and plans but I wanted to focus more on what was in my heart not on what I thought should be on my list according to society.  I didn't want to list "lose 5 pounds" or "make Crew's baby book" because those will always be there and there will always be a short list of to dos.  

   This year I want to focus on what I really want.  What do I want in the new year?  What do I want to do with this year and how do I want to grow myself?  More than anything, I just want to be me.  When was the last time I truly focused on me and who God is calling me to be not what the world says I should be.  I want to spend time discovering who I am and who I am becoming.  I don't want to waste anymore time listening to who people tell me I am or focusing on my shortcomings.  I can listen to five minutes of the morning news and get an update of what a woman in today's society should be doing, what she should look like and how she should be spending her time and money.  

   I want 2017 to be the year that I stop looking at everyone else and striving for what they have and what they are doing with their time.  I don't want to measure my happiness and success based on those around me.  This isn't going to be an easy task though.  It's going to take time, quiet moments spent in reflection.  It's going to take prayer.  

   Last year when I came home from work after having our son, I had to find myself.  I had to deal with the loss of who I had been and figure out who I was now.  A mom, a home maker, unemployed.  According to today's standards, some would have said I was doing too little, I wasn't successful because I wasn't making big gestures or bringing in a big pay check.  I wasn't changing the world with my every day life and I had to realize that was ok.

   When I sit and really think about what makes me happy, what makes me feel accomplished when I lay my head down at night, what makes me feel whole, my list looks a bit different than what I have been listing the past few years.  I've been striving for the wrong things, looking for happiness in areas that aren't going to make me happy at all.  

   Studying the Bible, leading women's bible studies, leading in our church, learning to cook, writing children's books, taking pictures, painting furniture, running a marathon, making memories with our family, mentoring a younger generation, growing a garden, spending time on the water, having deep conversations sharing scriptures... these are things that truly make me happy.  The thought of spending this next year doing more of these things fills my soul.  By tuning out the world and listening to God's calling on my life right now in this season I can find greater joy than I have experienced in a long time.  

   Were not called to fit a mold or be the best at what the world says we should be.  I don't want to turn around at the end of life and be able to say "I was so good at being what everyone told me to be."  I want to be a "good and faithful servant" and be the woman, wife, husband and daughter that He says I am.  I can't achieve this by paying attention to the world's view of life so this year I am taking my eyes off of everyone else's paper and I am getting in my lane and running my race.