To My Son.. You're First Year

   As I sit here watching you sleep it's hard to grasp that you've been with us for a whole year now.  Those first few months were so long but the ones following went by all too quickly.  I remember the days that your dad and I used to speak of our family and when we would have children.  I remember the planning and preparing that took place before those two lines appeared.  I remember the excitement, the fear and the hope.  Prayers that were spoken late in the night when I couldn't sleep.  Before you were even born I knew I would have to lean on the Lord more than I ever had when I became your mom. 

   Your birth was a miracle and I felt God in that room with your dad and I.  We would listen to your heart beat slow and even stop between contractions and everything I had done prior to your birth meant nothing to me at that time.  I needed you in my arms and I knew I wasn't in control of anything in that moment.  The awe and overwhelming amazement that I felt when you looked up at me I pray that I never forget.  Those first nights were terrifying but again showed me that I could only do what I could do and that meant loving you with everything I had and leaving the rest to Him.   

   Your dad and I were not prepared for the restless nights and stress that you put on our marriage.  We argued and fought, we were tired and I was lonely.  As the rest of the world went back to normal, you and I were home together to figure this thing out.  I found a new level of grace and mercy and as I realized my weaknesses I also found a new strength.  It was the most selfless I have ever been and I gave my body, physically and mentally to you and your care.  

   After a few months we found our rhythm and your dad and I discovered our new home life.  I found my niche as a stay at home mom and we fell in love with our tiny family.  We took you on trips that you won't remember but we sure did love showing you off.  We laughed and cried through all your first holidays and loved watching you discover the world around you.  You pushed us to be better people; to wake up every morning wanting to be the best because we wanted to give you everything.  

   You are everything I prayed for and you have shown me a new meaning to life.  You've shown me areas of myself that I am so proud of and at the same time, you've shown me where I have to let God in.  As I look back on your first year I rejoice in all that you have been and have yet to become.  I want to teach you, guide you, push you and prepare you.  I want to be your protector and provider.  I want to love you better than anyone ever can but I know that my limits are laid out ahead of me.  I can't be everything for you.  I promise to love you with every part of myself but as I promise that to you I also owe you an apology.  I will fail you and I will make mistakes.  I am your mother and although I want the best for you I cannot give you that.  I will do my best but part of my best is pointing you to Christ.  

   So as I rejoice in your first year and prepare for your second I am already learning that part of this parenting gig is letting go.  I will fight hard for you and I will always be in your corner but you are coming up in a broken world and you will see more sadness and hatred than ever before.  We are a broken people and we are falling short daily.  So the best thing that I can do for you is show you Christ and His love for you.  He is your everything and He loves you more than I could ever dream.  

   This is my prayer for you my son.  I pray that your dad and I always point you to Jesus.  I pray that you learn of His love early in your days and that you have a steady, certain faith.  I pray that God surrounds you with people and resources to bring you up in your beliefs.  I pray that at an appointed time you will accept Him into your heart and live your life for Him for your own reasons and not for mine.  I pray that you chase after Him with your entire being and that you have a fire lit in your soul.  I pray that you love Him, serve Him and know Him.  

Amen.