Nursery Reveal

Little Man's Woodland Nursery

   Our son's nursery has by far been the most fun to design and decorate over the past 9 months.  I, honestly, had been planning a little girl's room in my head up until our 15 week ultrasound so when I heard "It's a boy" I wasn't sure which direction I was headed.  Casey immediately jumped into action wanting to pick paint colors and start on this project days after our ultrasound and that's exactly what he did.  We found out on a Friday what we were having and he was bringing home paint on that Monday.  We are blessed to have amazing friends and family that helped us piece together our furniture and decor.  Our crib and dresser were handed down to us by some friends that were ready to send these gorgeous pieces onto another family.  Our glider is my new favorite chair in the house as it rocks, swivels and reclines and our bedding we had made turned out to be everything I wanted and more for our "woodland" theme.  

   Almost all of our decor pieces came from Hobby Lobby and I was able to get them for half off when they run their sales every month.  I wanted our little guy's room to feel more like a bedroom and less like a baby boy nursery and adding these rustic arrows, paddles and hunting memorabilia really helped me achieve that. We've been talking this entire pregnancy about the stories we will hear from little man about his adventures in our woods surrounding the house and we wanted his room to reflect that. 

   I love how many of the pieces for his room came together seamlessly from so many different places. We found his red side table at a antique store, his antler lamp at walmart and his sweet basket to hold his diapers and all the tools we will need when changing time arrives came from a sweet friend.  I love sitting in his room and reminiscing on how so many people gave and shared in the construction of the room that our little boy will come home to and enjoy for so many years.  It really does take a village to raise a child and we're just at the starting line.

   Like I mentioned earlier when I first started "planning" our nursery I was thinking more pink and pearls so when I needed to rethink my son's room I was at a loss at first for what "theme" or design I wanted to go with.  I reached out to a friend that makes baby bedding since what I was finding in store just wasn't cutting it.  She worked graciously with me to find just the right fit between the design I wanted and the colors that Casey liked.  I was nervous that the colors would be too much for the room or that it wouldn't quite work with the overall decor but when she delivered it one night and we saw the whole thing come together it was exactly what we hoped for.  The crib sheet is lined with arrows and the navy bumper fabric has all the woodland creatures you can imagine with their tents and teepees ready for a woodland adventure.  And the fox in the crib... well that's where it all started.  I saw this little fox in our gift shop at work before I knew what we were having.  I told myself I would go back and purchase it if we were having a boy and when I did it birthed the entire woodland theme.  From this little stuffed fox came his crib bedding, his decor and all the fun we've had with his showers a long the way.  

   Like I mentioned earlier a lot of pieces were given to us or shared with us from our family and friends just like the antique cooler above.  One of Casey's clients gave him this cooler a few weeks ago and it fit perfectly by his door.  I also found this neat firewood bucket and added some little fish to the side to make his hamper.  Lastly I found this small chalkboard and want to utilize it to teach our son scripture.  It will be easy for me to use this piece to quote verses to him every day and be able to remind myself when I am up late feeding and rocking that there is a greater purpose in all the chaos while some nights will seem long the weeks will seem short.  

   As of this week we're almost 39 weeks along and I believe we're about as ready as we can be.  His room is prepped, our bags are packed and other than a few last minute items we are ready to meet our son for the first time.  He may not have a name and we may be anxious to see what he looks like but we both feel settled in this timing and our love for one another.  We've enjoyed our years spent just the two of us and will continue to nurture our marriage after our son's arrival but we are excited to start a new journey in the coming weeks and learn about a new love birthed with our child. 

Our last Christmas as a Party of Two

I'm not sure how to start but by saying I love you. I love the way you have changed me in the last 9 months and I love these last few weeks I have with you still inside me.  Even though your kicks have turned into jabs and your little tiny self is now taking all the space left in my abdomen, I love feeling you move and stretch and let your presence be known.  

It's such an exciting yet strange feeling as I sit in your nursery this morning.  I rock in our glider, looking into an empty crib and gazing at all the sweet places you'll grace soon enough.  It's Christmas morning, the last Christmas that your daddy and I will share just the two of us.  Next year this time you'll be walking and talking and we won't remember what a morning like this felt like.  

We are just shy of 38 weeks today.  There was a time when we feared that you would come too soon and now we ponder if you'll over stay your welcome.  You roll and hiccup.  You can open your eyes and hear our voices clearly.  Your lungs are strong and your heart beat is the sweetest sound I have ever heard.  Your daddy and I are ready.  You have been the best thing that has ever happened to us and you have spoiled us with your patience and perseverance.  You've been so kind to me during pregnancy and even though I am enjoying these last moments just you and I, I know that the love my heart is about to embrace as I hold you in my arms is something more than I can imagine.  

So as I sit here in a quiet room meant for a baby boy, as I wait for my baby boy to hold in my arms, I am reminded of another baby boy that came at this time many years ago.  This baby boy changed the world.  He came in the dark of night and not the way his mother planned.  He was small and innocent but he lived a life that saved us from our sins and we call him Savior.  

I pray that today while I feel you twist and turn that I also remember the baby boy that came to save me.  I pray that I enjoy my blessing in my son yet remember that my sweet baby boy is only mine for a moment and in this moment that I point my son to the Son. 

Shower for Little Man and his Woodland Friends

In Early November some of our dearest family and friends threw our family and little man a sweet shower following in his nursery theme.  Ever since I found out we were having a boy I can't help but think about all the time he will spend out in the woods playing and discovering all there is to encounter out our front door. It's been so much fun incorporating some of the outdoors in our nursery and showers.

Our sweet friends already spoiling our Little Guy 

We are so thankful for the way they love us 

 

Mom and I 

Getting closer to making her a Nana

 

 All the Girls 

Little man's great grandmother, Gigi and Aunt 

Can't believe we're about to add a little boy to our group of girls 

Our shower was a wonderful reminder of all those that love our family and just how blessed we are to be surrounded by such amazing people. Casey and I have felt so loved during this season and are honored to be bringing our son into such a warm and joyous environment. 

Until I Hold You in my Arms

   My sweet little boy.. I hardly know how to imagine you at this time. I’ve felt your little kicks and rolls for weeks now; you and I are the closest we will ever be but yet you still feel so far away.  

   You have been a tender dream of mine for many years.  Just like many little girls I used to play pretend, dreaming of a day that I would find a husband and begin a family.  As I grew older I wondered what our family would look like.  Would our family begin with a little girl full of giggles or a sweet eyed baby boy?  

   Sitting here this morning in your room, rocking back and forth in your glider imagining what this empty room will feel like in just a couple of months fills my heart with happiness.  Trying to picture your tiny self in your crib, on our changing table and rocking in my arms is something that has never felt more real than now.  As I rock and try to imagine what you’ll look like and feel like and sound like; you’re kicking inside of me, twisting and rolling from one side to the other.  

   You have already changed your dad and I in so many ways.  Our hearts have grown in these last months and our anticipation of you is getting greater and greater with each passing day.  I love watching your dad when he feels your kicks, watches your movements on an ultrasound and shows off your new room to friends and family.  Your dad has always had my heart but this season of life has taken our bond so much further.  You little boy are making us a mommy and a daddy and we thank God for you and your life every day.  

   We know that you are only ours for a season and I thank God that He allowed me to be the vessel to grow you and bring you into this world.  I am your mommy and I promise to love you with a fierce love all the days of my life but your greatest love will not come from your daddy or I.  I pray that you will find true joy and everlasting love in your Heavenly Father, that one day you will ask our Savior into your heart and He will guide you through your life.  Daddy and I promise to teach you and instruct you in the way of the Lord but we cannot give you the love and peace that Christ can.  

   So while I sit here this morning dreaming of my baby boy and the moments we will soon share I realize that those moments though they will shape me as a woman and they will shape you as a man; I am not the provider you need past this season.  I will enjoy and treasure you and our bond forever but your daddy and I’s goal is to point you to your true Father. 

Until I hold you in my arms little one

May your kicks continue to strengthen

May you grow and grow 

May I remain healthy for your needs 

Until we look into one another’s eyes 

My baby boy, my son 

Little Man's Woodland Baby Shower

   Casey and I have been so loved and blessed during this season but there is just something special when family and friends come together to celebrate our growing family.  This past Saturday marked 29 weeks and a celebration of our little man with a beautiful woodland baby shower.  Casey and I have been laughing at how even though our nursery is being stocked and our car seat ready to install that we still have trouble believing that our son will be born in just a few short months, possibly even sooner.  We both wake up most mornings and crack open the nursery door as if to reassure ourselves that yes, he's well on his way.  With all his kicks and hiccups, ultrasound pictures and my growing belly I still find it overwhelming at times when I sit in our glider and hold one of his toys that my dream of becoming a mommy is coming true.  

   

   My mom hosted a beautiful woodland shower for little man Saturday that showcased all that little boys growing up in the woods will embrace.  I've fallen in love with the forest creature/woodland theme and love dreaming up what fun our son will have playing out in the country, running through our own woodland forest.  I'm sure he's going to teach me plenty about patience and overcoming fear.  I imagine we will house all sorts of "woodland friends" he finds over the years out on our farm.

"Smore" Love from Little Man

Some of the cutest cupcakes ever.  All sorts of creatures little man will have fun with growing up! 

 

So thankful for these amazing women that love my mom and our family so beautifully

So thankful for these amazing women that God has blessed me with. 2 of little man's grandmothers and great grandmother. 

Mama to be and Grandmommie to be

Can't wait to make her a grandmother in January!

Just waiting on our Little Man

   It's October and we are busy busy busy in the Smith household.  Casey's business is in full speed ahead with aeration season and landscaping projects before winter.  Our hospital is busting at the seams fixing hearts and curing the common flu symptoms.. all while our little man is wrapping up the second trimester and 25 weeks aka 6 and 1/2 months.  

   We've been having a lot of fun prepping his room, ordering his glider and crib bedding and purchasing decor for the walls.  I'm really in love with the pieces we've chosen so far and can't wait to see it all come together over the next month or so.  As for little man himself, well he is growing like a weed!  He moves pretty much all day long, kicks all hours of the night and I swear he does somersaults in there as well.  We love getting to watch and feel him move around.  As for me, I feel great.  This pregnancy has really been a treat and a true blessing.  Of course there was some sickness in the beginning and there are some days when the fatigue takes some overcoming but all in all I am super healthy and happy.  I'm able to run and attend workout classes.  I still fit in most of my pre-pregnancy clothes, some pants just don't get buttoned and I am really just soaking up this time in life.  I realize everyone's pregnancy is different and there's always next week, month or trimester but I am happily surprised with how wonderful this journey has been so far.  

   Our goal this month is to keep up with life's demands.  October means work in our household and that's ok with us.  We're blessed to be healthy and to be busy in this season so we'll keep trucking' along and enjoy some fall festivities along the way.  We'll be headed to Michigan mid October for a friend's wedding and look forward to a sweet fall shower at the end of the month. I can't believe we're 100 days and counting until his due date, knowing that time is just going to speed up between now and the holidays.  His only job right now is to grow and stay put so we're thankful for an uneventful time in pregnancy at this moment and look forward to the excitement ahead of us!

Baby Smith Gender Reveal

It's a ... 

It's hard to believe that it's been over a month since Casey and I gathered with family and friends to share the news that we will be welcoming a son in January!  

I remember when we were getting married, many people told me to take a breath and soak in the moment because all too soon it would slip away and become a memory.  I tried to do that same thing so many times on the day that we found out we're having a baby boy. 

Casey and I traveled up to Lake Norman 3D Imaging on Friday afternoon for our 15 week elective ultrasound.  Roxanne was amazing and she welcomed us as if we were family.  She took extra time to make us feel comfortable and to share the news with us when we were ready.  I hope I always remember what it felt like to sit there and watched our baby kick and hiccup and stretch for the first time.  After a few bathroom breaks and some moving around Roxanne showed us the proof that Baby Smith was indeed a little boy.  I don't think Casey nor I have cried like that since our wedding day. Looking up at the man that I love seeing his excitement and joy was priceless.  That afternoon was more than I could have ever imagined and we look forward to returning to Roxanne's office around 32 weeks for a up close look at our son as he becomes a bit chunkier!

The next night Casey and I gathered with family and friends lake side to share the news with a firework show.  It was such a blessing to have so many people around us to celebrate the news.  We couldn't have asked for anything more than a quiet night out by the water, dinner and a few fireworks to celebrate our growing family and the little man that's to join us in January. 

Since our gender reveal we've been busy painting, finding nursery furniture and preparing for a busy fall.  Little man already has a closet full of clothes thanks to his mommy, grandmothers and aunts.  

He waited until about 18 weeks to finally "pop" and I am loving this second trimester.  Morning sickness and fatigue have mostly subsided and I am still able to enjoy early morning runs and workouts without  trouble.

 Next on our list is our registry and deciding on our last big items like a stroller, car seat and glider.  After that it'll just be the finishing touches and decor in little man's room and enjoying the cooler temperatures as fall approaches.  Casey's business gets really busy from September through November so we're trying to plan and prep early incase Baby Smith decides to come early and so we don't have to fret through the holiday season.  Oh! That's another thing we're working on... his name.  It will be a miracle if the boy has a name before his debut! 

On the topic of registry!  As a first time momma.. I would love your input on what products you loved!  Whether it be strollers, diapers, belly bands or tips and tricks you learned along the way.  If you have a secret to share or a product that helped your baby in those first months please share!

A Promise to Love

Today is a big day for our family... 

Until this point we've only seen your sweet face through a black and white image on a small scratchy screen.  I've gotten to listen to your heart beat for a few short minutes but have yet to feel or see you stretch your arms and legs.  Our love for you has grown and grown over the past few months but a prayer that we've been praying for a long time has yet to be answered, that is until today.

Before you were ever created, before we ever spoke of your existence we prayed that God would work through our family; that He would build a legacy through us and our children and in the simplest forms, that He would give us the children He wanted us to have.  Today we very well may find out whether you are a little boy or little girl and our prayer that God give us His plans in our family will be answered.  

We know undoubtedly that He will work in you and through you powerfully whether we see blue or pink today and we will be here fighting to teach you and bring you up in a house that nourishes that.  So no matter what happens today we know that our love for our Creator, your Creator and our love for you is just going to get stronger from this day forward. In this moment I can't imagine how it's going to feel to see your face, your arms and legs, to watch you move.  Your daddy and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into when we decided it was time.  You have already taken our breath away and brought us to tears many times and I am sure today will be the same.  To see the features that God is knitting together and the tiny being that he is building piece by piece is something that I anxiously wait to see.  

People always told me that having a baby would teach you about God's love for us and it already is.  It's also teaching me about the sacrifice that He made when He sent His only Son to die on a cross for us.  

I am so thankful for this quiet moment this morning to sit and enjoy not knowing what you are; to just love you for you and to question whether we are having a son or daughter.  Yet in this moment I promise to always love you with this love and a greater love that is yet to grow I am sure.  You are mine but much more you are His and I am just the vessel He has chosen to let carry you and parent you in this world.  I love my Savior and I love that you are making me a mommy.  

May we enjoy these last few hours of not knowing and celebrate when we do learn which path we are about to begin.  I can't wait to witness your beauty again today and learn a tiny bit more of what God has for us in this amazing life He's given us. 

Becoming a momma... one tiny glimpse at a time

Everyone has always said.. " children will change your life."  I just never knew that life change would start so quickly.  

Casey and I had been planning our family for a while.  We always said five years but I don't think either one of us really thought it would go "according to plan."  We spent months talking and planning; we tried to walk the line between doing what we could and letting God take hold of our future. 

It didn't take long for fear to creep in.  I worried that we'd waited too long, that we waited and now may have trouble or that we'd been too strict in our planning, that we hadn't allowed room for God to speak into our plans.  It was this same fear that kept me from loving my baby right away.  

I had taken a test.. negative.  Another test.. negative.  One more.. a slight positive.. another positive and then a trip to the doctor where I hoped they'd confirm my pregnancy but feared they would deny it.  It didn't feel real.  I was so thankful that it hadn't taken a long time to start a family but at the same time I was having trouble grasping that fact.  That night I went home and greeted Casey at the door with a book and a gift bag of baby goodies.  We both cried and hugged and sighed in relief that this really was  happening.  Yet, relief was short lived and soon that same fear crept into my mind and eventually into my heart.  

It had all happened so fast.  One minute we're talking about "one day" and the next we're looking at this tiny little being on an ultrasound.  I had prayed for this little life but now I feared that I would lose it.  Too many late night internet articles, my job in the medical field and statistics in waiting room magazines grew my worry to doubt and doubt to obsession.  I started preparing my attitude and mindset according to the chance of ....... instead of opening my heart to love this little baby at every stage of it's existence.  

It was when I came home from my 12 week appointment that I sat down on the couch and just sobbed.  I felt guilty as I held this new ultrasound in my hands and remembered watching this little one's heart beat across the screen.  I had withheld so much joy and excitement because of what might happen.  Looking back over the past three months I hadn't really taken time to settle into the fact that now in just six months we'd very possibly be holding this little one.  He or she would be crying and cooing and looking up at me with those eyes waiting... waiting for me to teach them about life and about love.  Oh how I didn't want to teach our new little baby about how fear had held their mommy from experiencing one of life's greatest joys or how doubt had held me prisoner for 12 weeks.  

I want to love this baby every moment of every day.  I don't want to pull back for a period of time just in case to protect myself from hurt.  I want to embrace every moment, every sensation.  Life started 12 weeks ago and I haven't taken hold of it until now because I let fear of loss, fear of hurt, fear of pain hold me back from something that will forever change me as a being, as a woman and a mother.  

It was in that moment that no matter what happens I decided that fear wouldn't hold me captive any longer.  I would be in the moment and even though fear will always be there.  When I take this baby home for the first time, when I hear the cry from a skinned knee, when I watch them walk into school on that first day or walk down the aisle at their wedding; I don't have to let fear keep me from experiencing that moment I just have to decide to let God handle the what ifs and promise to love and live in every moment; the good, the bad and the unexplainable.  

He has a mighty plan for this baby and our family but I can't be the momma I am meant to be unless I release what I can't control over to my God and be present to walk in faith through the rest. 

5 years ago we became husband and wife.... and this year we become .....

It's about that time... 

             Our next chapter.... 

5 years ago we became husband and wife... 
          and this year we become daddy and mommy

   

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Lord I thank you for this amazing gift. We know that this life you've created and given us is only from you.  We pray that you instruct us in how you would like us to parent this child and we promise to teach your Word and bring this child up in a home that brings glory to your name.  No matter where our path in this life twists and turns we will remember your love and that your Will will be done.  We may not always have answers or explanations but we will praise you and your Kingdom. 

The Smith Family

Hanging Up My Cape

   Superheroes.. from a little boys action figure collection to the big screen to the comic floating on Pinterest about mommas conquering it all.. they're every where. Even NFL football players flash the superman pose after a touchdown but what exactly are we saying with these gestures.  Batman, Superman and the Avengers.. they work fine for movies and little kids imaginations but what are we telling ourselves and others when we bring the superhero mentality to our daily lives?

   I'm not called to be a superhero.  Sure, it can be fun to dress up for a party or play pretend with a small child but there is a growing trend in our society screaming at us.. we can be superheroes.  We can have it all and do it all and be it all. This just doesn't work; eventually after I've chased the superhero mentality long enough the super wears off and all I am left with is myself.  Suddenly what I am left with doesn't seem like enough; I feel weak and insecure.

   I don't want to feel inadequate when I am just being me.  I don't want to feel bad when I have a tough day and the checklist goes unchecked.  Life is already tough enough so why make it harder by chasing an image of perfection.  I used to think that in order to get where I wanted to be in life I had to achieve a certain standard.  If I wanted to lead a women's small group I would have to read the Bible three times, become a worship leader and go five years without a sin.  Then.. then I would be ready for God to use me.  I used to carry my past around in my back pocket as if I needed a constant reminder of who I really was and  where I had been, the mistakes I had made and the potential that I didn't have.  Oh just how wrong I was.

   You see.. when it comes down to it God didn't call me to be perfect. He is perfect and perfection doesn't exist in this world outside of His Presence.  I am a sinner with a broken past and a future of more trials and tests.  I am going to make mistakes and fail again and again but I can find peace knowing that I am not called to be a superwoman but a woman who fears the Lord.  I am a woman, a daughter, sister, wife and one day a mother.  I don't have to strive for perfection.  I am asked only to love and share His love with others.
 
   I can rest in this; finding peace that I am beautiful and every morning is a new start.   I am called to live for Christ and walk in simple acts of obedience to Him.  When I am walking in this I am walking in my calling.  So whether i'm in class, at my workplace, standing over dishes at home or dropping kids off at practice I already have it all because He gave it all for me.

   We need to be careful of our superhero, juggling it all image.  We're not supposed to do it all.  We're doing just fine fulfilling our roles in day to day life, letting Him fill the gaps.  He doesn't want us to portray a perfect image to others but He wants to use those weak areas that we want to hide for His greater good showing those around us that we're struggling too but we're walking with God and we've found it all in Him.

Pressed but not Crushed

  

 It was 5 weeks ago yesterday. I was running mile 7 out of 13.  I was training for my first half marathon in 3 weeks; the weather was perfect and I felt great.  I was making my second lap up the driveway when a sharp pain started in my right foot.  As I kept pushing, thinking that it'd eventually stop, slowly I realized step by step that this pain was growing sharper instead of fading away.

   By the time I reached the road I knew I had to stop and analyze the pain.  After I stopped I wouldn't start again, the pain grew worse and I found myself having trouble walking much less running.  It was 5 weeks ago that I sprained my ankle and injured my plantar fascia.  I saw my doctor that week thinking if I started rehabilitation immediately that I would be in good shape for the half but after a week of stretching, icing and no exercise I was told that my half would have to wait.

   I cried on the way home from my appointment.  My husband knew how important this had become but struggled to understand why I was so upset.  Friends were supportive and family encouraged for the future events I would run but inside I felt like I had failed.

   I spent the next few weeks thinking; analyzing why I was just so upset.  Why did it matter to me this much?  I knew that I would return to running one day but it was so hard to find joy in the future during this season of rest.

   I started running to relieve stress.  I found that if I just got outside and went for a jog that my mind would clear and I could think practically.  This pushed me from 2 miles to 7 to 10 to 13 and as the number of miles grew so did my passion.  As I saw the change in my distance I also noticed a change in my self confidence.  I had made changes to my eating habits, seen a difference in my body and loved how I was pushing past limits I placed on myself.  If you asked me a year ago if I would ever run 13 miles I would have bust out laughing.  Yet here I was finding joy in the pain and conquering fears that I wasn't good enough.

   I realized that this hobby had taught me a lot about myself.  Over the years I had pre-decided what I was and was not capable of.  I had settled into the mindset that I would always be short and stocky.  I would always be more of a walker than a runner.  I would wear sizes 6-8 instead of 2-4.  I would always yo-yo diet and carry an extra five to ten pounds depending on the season.  I would find peace in comfort instead of pushing past fear to reach new goals.  Running started as something small but had become a daily lesson in bettering myself.  Each time my body would ache I would think of stopping and I would have to speak to myself positively in order to keep going. This insight into my insecurities was what had fueled my sport and why I had been so upset when I knew my goal of a half marathon would be postponed.  I also found that with music blaring and my feet pounding pavement something in me felt closer to God; like I could talk to Him and listen more intently.  If the world around me grew silent and all I could hear was my breath and my spirit then I could see the potential.

   There have been so many times when I've just been running down the drive and overcome with joy and felt so much love from Him that I would just start crying.  I'd raise my hands up in praise and just feel free.  It's like hitting those weak, painful moments in my run that I learned to see myself through His eyes.  I am broken and hurting and falling short every day but He sees me as beautiful and strong and He built me that way.

   I was recently reading in 2 Corinthians when I found encouragement for those weak moments.  "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed"(2 Corinthians 4:7-9)  In those weak moments during a run instead of giving up I had learned to deal with the pain; I was watching myself grow into a new me, I was pushing past fear and doubt to reach farther than I thought possible before.  I had always stopped just short of the next step because I had given into the pain, fear, doubt, comfort.  Running had been a very practical way for me to learn that every new day is just that, a new day; an opportunity to do better, push farther and step by step move towards new achievements.

   Two days ago I pushed past again, lacing up my shoes for the first time in so many weeks and making a path back to those 13 miles.  I feared that there would be pain; that I would take a bad step and hurt again but I remembered those words in 2 Corinthians.  I am afflicted or pressed but not crushed.  I am struck down but not destroyed.  It's a new day and I can get up again and start over.  I learned a lot about my self doubt and insecurities over the past month but now is the time to make new and push on, finding new purpose in today and looking to Him for help along the way.

   Whether it's a lesson in life, an injury in your sport, a set back in your career or hurt in a relationship; we are told in the scriptures above that we may be pressed and we may be struck down but we are never destroyed.  There will be times in life when it gets hard and the pain is real but God tells us that He is there with us and we will recover.  Through Him and His love for us we find victory and rejoicing.

Perfect ending to CM James

   When Casey and I bought our flip house a year ago we were excited to "get our hands dirty" and learn through this new project; little did we know that God was going to write a beautiful story through this endeavor. January 17 2015 marked our 1 year and February 23 2015 was the day that we signed papers on our sale!  It's been a year of ups and downs but as Casey and I sat celebrating that night we agreed that we'd do it all again given the opportunity.  

   This little brick ranch abandoned but beaming with promise taught us so much.  Not only did we learn about materials, textiles and construction but we learned how to lean on one another and take risks.  There were many late nights and weekends spent waist deep in plumbing and paint but through it all we grew closer together.  It may sound silly but that little brick ranch held a piece of our hearts over that year.  We had given so much time, energy and money to that "flip" and when it was time to put the "for sale" sign up we prayed that God would bring the right family to our little home. 

   During the construction there was something about that house that stirred me.  I imagined babies being bathed in the tub and toddlers running down the hall.  I imagined this abandoned house becoming a home for a family that would cherish its warmth and protection.  I just knew the tears I shed in frustration and the sweat Casey poured in labor wouldn't be spent for nothing but that God was working out a plan for this "flip".  

   Well.... the house spent several weeks on MLS and the selling process was more traumatizing than construction.  People came and people left.. until a late August evening.  Our friends had been shopping for a house and came by to see the finished product.  The next week was a whirlwind with several more visits and a late night phone call that led to moving day!  Casey's old roommate and his wife, some of our best friends decided that our flip was their home and moved in early September.  Suddenly all those feelings I had and all the times I had prayed for God to handle this process were fulfilled. 

   Our friends and Casey and I look back and can see times when God literally reached down and placed everything in the right place.  We couldn't have asked for a more perfect ending to our story on CM James Road and we look forward to many years growing in life with our best friends down the street.  

As I sit in my waiting room....

There's a good chance you've found yourself in a waiting room at some point in your life.  The line of chairs, stale coffee and dry air don't make for the most comfortable accommodations, yet we sit and wait as patiently as we can. I don't know about you but I don't consider myself a very patient person so I don't last very long sitting still in a waiting room.  

Recently, I've had the opportunity to chat with friends about a "waiting room" season in life; a time when you've left your previous situation but not quite found yourself in your new reality.  Whether it be a job transfer, a change in cities or a change in stage of life there may be a period of time when you're sitting... in a holding pattern... a waiting room of life.  

As a woman I don't handle the "waiting room" idea all that passionately.  I need to be going, doing, moving.  I mean... you can't honestly expect me to sit still?  This day in age, we're moving faster than ever, never stopping, pulling all nighters and never turning off our cell phones just in case someone needs us.  If you're not moving up the ladder, building that new addition, adding new Instagram followers or getting more likes on Facebook then you're not being productive, right?  This is what the world has taught us. We've learned that if we're not moving faster, doing more or becoming more then we're quite frankly, failing.  

My current waiting room in life has taught me that this mindset is all wrong.  There's nothing against better(ing) yourself by reading a good book or listening to a podcast but you can't let yourself believe that if you aren't constantly working towards the next best thing that you're not "good enough."  I have been in my waiting room for a few months now; waiting, listening for what God has next for me.  No... I haven't been very patient but quite frustrated and angry at times.  I'm ready for what's next.. at least I think I am. 

Casey and I renovated a house last year that took us a bit longer than expected and with paper work has taken longer. For us, our 2014 was all about "the house" and it took just about all of our time and energy last year.  Looking back, I love that house and the people that bought it from us so all the time and energy were more than worth it and I would do it again tomorrow.  However after spending an entire season on that house, where do we go from here? What's next for us?  As we wrapped up our 2014 we knew we wanted God at the center of 2015 but unfortunately God didn't email us our itinerary immediately.  

Yet, in the midst of my seemingly "barren" season I have seen God work through my life even in the midst of my frustrations.  He has brought such amazing people into my life and challenged me in ways I wouldn't have pushed myself on my own.  Its been in the quiet times that I have learned, cried, prayed and for some of the first times honestly listened for God's instruction.  So while I may not look or feel productive I know that this "waiting room" has brought growth and renewal.  Pastor Steven once said "A season of blessing will be preceded by a season that seems barren." So as I sit in my "barren" season, sometimes impatiently waiting for whats next, I will draw closer to Him and believe that He has far greater plans for me and our family than what I see in this waiting room. 

Practical Ways to Draw Closer to God

1.  Get in His Word
Even if it's just a 5 minute devotional on the way out the door. Download the YouVersion Bible App and start a plan. If you can, try getting out of bed 10-30 minutes earlier and spending time in your Bible.  You'd be surprised how He will meet you there and speak to you throughout your day.

2.  Listen to Worship Music
This is a favorite of ours in the Smith household. We are known to blare worship music in our home, in our car and in our headsets.  I love playing Pandora worship stations while getting ready in the morning; it sets a tone for my entire day.  I also love turning it on when I am upset or angry about something; it helps to reset my mind and think more practically.

3.  Listen to a Podcast
There are all sorts of resources now from different types of churches and Pastors.  Some of my favorites are Elevation Church, Pastor James MacDonald, Craig Groschel, Christine Caine and Proverbs 31 Ministries. 

4.  Join a Bible Study or Small Group
Something special happens when you surround yourself with people that support and encourage you in your walk with God.  You can find small groups in your local church or even online.  Proverbs 31 Ministries offers online Bible Studies. 

5.  Pray Pray Pray
This isn't easy for me.  I'll admit that prayer has been a practice that I have to keep practicing but it has been most rewarding.  There have been times when I have had to crawl to my bedside, drenched in tears and begin my prayer with "God I don't want to talk to you now but I know I need to."  Sometimes we have to go to Him when we don't feel like it and find His peace in our pain. 

6.  Attend Church
Make your church attendance a priority

7. Get Involved
Volunteer locally and/or in your church.  Casey and I love our volunteer team; they have become family to us and we walk with them through life.

8.  Give
Begin a habit of tithing to your local church and give to other organizations.  Volunteer with your time and give financially.  


Changing my focus to these simple acts of obedience while I am in this waiting season has helped me see that I am not barren nor unproductive but I am opening up for God to work through and in me; preparing me for the seasons to come.  

The Night that Changed Everything

It was eight years ago... 
it looks a bit hazy now in my mind...
but I can feel the love like it was yesterday.

I was driving back to college from my parent's house.  I had been in a dark place for a long time.  You wouldn't have known that by looking at me or my Facebook page but I had made bad decisions that led to consequences and those consequences were bringing me to my brink.  I didn't know how to maneuver through and I knew I couldn't get myself out of this one.  If I was right then my life had changed forever and even if I were wrong then I would wake up the next morning in the same position I had been settling in for months. 

I was driving down the road with all this swirling in my mind when I decided to turn on a Christian radio station.  I hadn't listened to "Christian" music in a long time but if ever there was a night, this was it.  It didn't take long... the lyrics played through the speakers and into my heart.  I just started balling, sobbing like never before.  I was broken and lost and lonely.  On the outside I had everything; a great family, friends, a cheerleading scholarship and had started my freshman year in college but on the inside I was empty.  Something had been missing and that was evident as I sat in my car crying like a child. 

It was in that moment of brokenness when I gave up; I gave up control and selfishness and just let go.  Thats when He reached down, right out of the Heavens and touched me.  The best way I can explain it was a warmth, a peace and a over whelming love that cured every pain and every sorrow.  There in my car God touched me.. after so many years and so many sins, He was there, right there with me and I gave it all to Him.  I promised that if He would just take the pain and regret I would live my life for Him all the days of my life.  

I had been around church and I had heard people's testimonies but it never made sense to me until that night.  His Presence and the overwhelming, all consuming love that He showed me were awesome, remarkable and indescribable in earthly terms.  There was no doubt in my mind that it was God and that moment with Him birthed a fire in my soul.  When you've been in His Presence like that you can't keep it to yourself, you have to share it with everyone around you and pray that they will experience it too. 

That same night I returned to my college dorm room and called my mom.  I told her what had happened and I met with our campus pastor the next day.  I started a small women's group on our college campus and found a passion for women's ministry.  

Life didn't change immediately. There were relationships that needed to end and new ones that needed to begin.  I needed a church and a small group of people to support, encourage and influence me with wisdom.  I started reading the Bible and joined a small college ministry.  Life still kicks you down from time to time but once you've accepted Christ as your Savior you have new resources to keep climbing back up and fighting for a better tomorrow. It's not perfect; it never will be but it's freedom and it's the greatest love you'll ever embrace.



I started writing because it has been a way for me to reach others; a way to work out a calling in my life but I never want what I write to become internal or stale.  I want to use my story and what I have experienced through Christ to reach others. I want to connect with people near and far and join with them in prayer and counsel.  It's taken me years to bury the fear to write this testimony because it is as personal as I can get but if God reached down to me in that dark night, He can reach you too and He wants to take your pain and give you eternal life.  I pray that this testimony and many others are shared between family, friends and strangers.  This is just one story and I would be honored if you would share your story with me.  Please comment below or email breatheinthespirit@gmail.com.